James Corden said what?

We stood in line at the James Corden Show, knowing there was a chance we wouldn't get in. To make sure the studio is full, they overbook seats, and we were a few minutes later than we meant to be.

CBS Studios Selfie

I think James is great, but it is Alexandra who has been the fan since before I had ever heard his name. So, when they told us there was only one seat left in the theater, there was no Rock, Paper, Scissors for the seat. It was all hers.

Nobody would have blamed me if I was sulky and pouty and grouchy as she walked through that gate, and I have to admit, I was tempted... But I know better. God always amazes me when I trust Him instead of being disappointed.

CBS Studios

As I walked from CBS Studios to The Grove, passing several studio exits and entrances along the way. I thought to myself, "God always turns things like this around some way. Who knows what could happen. Maybe someone from one of these studios will come out a pull me in for a makeover!" I laughed to myself as my imagination took hold of all the things that "might" happen.

Needless to say, I was not pulled into a studio as I walked by, but the thought made me smile anyway and I continued on towards the popular shopping center.

The Grove

The Grove was beautiful. Lots of stores and food and happy people. With a couple of hours to kill, I decided to check out some stores I had never been to before.

Nordstrom's? Why not? I probably wouldn't be able to afford anything inside, but browsing would be fun.

A few feet inside the door I paused to look at a makeup display. Immediately a woman behind the sign called out to me.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"Umm..." I realized it wasn't just a makeup display. There was a long row of tall chairs and side tables set up down the center walk-way.

"Really!" She said, "Sit down and let us give you a makeover. Sit there. I'll go get someone."

I sat down, baffled. Really God? You know I was just trying to make light of the situation, right? Is this actually happening? I mean, I didn't even ask...

A moment later a beautiful young woman came out and introduced herself to me. Maxine was a professional make-up artist, who helped out with events like this when they needed her. And that day, they did!

As she went through all the steps, we talked about why I was in California and what had happened at the James Corden Show. I told her that I was so happy Alexandra got in, and here I was, getting my makeup done by a professional. I was even able to tell her about Hire A Housewife and share my testimony about going from homelessness to where I am now at the same time. It was an amazing blessing!

When she finished, I thanked her  and she thanked me for sharing so much. I went to browse the store and even stopped for a selfie so that I could tweet about the great experience later.

^ I Tweeted about it later and Nordstrom's responded! 

As I walked out of the store, thinking about where to go next, my phone rang. Alex.

"Are you still close? James Corden said he wants them to find you a seat here."

"What!?! Are you serious?" 

"Yes! Someone is going to meet you at the front gate where you left me... and I think I'm going to be on TV."

"I'm on my way."

In retrospect, I should have taken a taxi those 4 blocks. Instead, I walked as quickly as my high-heeled boots would let me. Still I reached the front gate in what had to be record time and, sure enough, someone from the show was waiting for me. 

He tried to get me into the studio as quickly as possible, but security kept stopping us and checking my pass and my ID. As we walked he explained that Alexandra was actually in a segment and it came up that I hadn't been able to get in... so James told her they would fix it. 

People kept saying as I walked in, "This is mom?" and responding excitedly when it was confirmed. "I love it!" said one. And, "Awesome!" said another.

Alexandra was waiting for me in the back. We sat there for a segment as they were waiting for a commercial break to take us in. As we watched the guests talking, we looked around at the photos of all the stars who had been on the show... 

"Look! Zachary Levi!" I said, before pointing out a few more. 

Alex told me to shhh, and then a few seconds later we were being taken to our seats.

We had great seats for the last two or three segments of the show. We saw AWOLNATION, who was much better than I expected. Corden's house band and their leader Reggie Watts was fantastic! Great music and made us all laugh. The entire experience was fun and exciting. 

There were no phones allowed on inside the studio, so I didn't get any photos in there. I tried on the way out the door, but security told us to keep moving, so this is all I got there... 

Alex was supposed to be in this too... Oh well, I tried.

We waited outside to get a great pic though. Some other fans took pics for us and we took pics for them.

As Alexandra and I walked away, I told her, "We have to get back to Uncle Peter and the other kids... but I wish we had time to stop in and tell Maxine what happened! She'd be so happy for us!"

At that moment, I got a text from my son, Isaac. "We will meet you at The Grove."

We had time to go find her after all.

As Alexandra and I walked towards Nordstrom's she asked me, "Why us? Did this happen because we put together those care packages for the homeless today?"

I admit, I started to tear up thinking about that question... "No. Things like this happen because He loves us. Nothing we do makes Him love us more or less or want to bless us more or less."

I didn't say it then, but I keep thinking about that question. I honestly believe many of our blessings are about attitude and faith. Faith that God is going to do something we don't expect, and having a good attitude about it no matter what. 

We made it to see Maxine and I made introductions, told her what happened, and shared hugs all around. It was a perfect ending to the whole experience.

Peter and the kids met us shortly thereafter and we sat and talked before heading to our hotel for the night. 

Even though we had to be up early for Disney, I set an alarm to wake me up to see the Late Late Show with James Corden... and this is what I saw... 

<3 She did fantastic. I so love that girl!

Don't tell anyone, but she's my favorite oldest daughter ever! 

Personalized blessings

It is nearly impossible these days to consider God as the impersonal God I thought I knew years ago. I can't really think of Him as anything but my Heavenly Father, Who wants only good for me and loves me enough to be in every detail of my life.

I can't tell you how many times during our vacation that I tried to put into words the gratitude I have for everything Jesus has done for us, only to have that gratitude come out as tears.

If someone told me that seeing my daughters meet Disney princesses in person would tear me up, I might have believed them. But tears also came in response to the squeals of delight I heard from the kids during the Indiana Jones ride and on Hyper-Space Mountain as well. (To be fair, that one might also have been the Star Wars fan in me coming out a bit.)

While my business continues to strengthen, I never imagined it would be possible to put together an entire vacation for us without going deeply into debt. But going away with all of the kids before my oldest leaves for college was weighing heavily on my heart, and God knew exactly what we needed. He provided and continued to provide while we were there.

We got a bargain on plane tickets and our hotel room as well. When reaching out for what I hoped would be a small discount on our Disney tickets, a friend stepped in and helped all five of us get into the park for the cost of about one ticket. My mom paid for our tickets for the activity that brought us to my very favorite, most heart-stopping moment of the trip. Over and again we were blessed beyond measure.

Here are just a few of my favorite moments from the last week...

Hanging out with my brother while watching my kids play in the ocean, 

at my favorite beach, during a California sunset. 

Seeing my oldest appear on-air with James Corden. 

Putting together care-packages for the homeless with the kids in our hotel room and seeing their faces light up when they saw someone in need because they were excited to be a blessing. 

Walking to the beach before sunrise, all on my own, just to treasure 

the awesomeness of God's creation and what He has done for us. 

Dolphins. So many Dolphins. 

While our vacation didn't go as perfectly as I had planned, it was full of amazingly perfect moments that I can't wait to write about. Not because I want to brag about our awesome vacation, but because each of those moments was God reminding me that He cares for us on an individual level.

He chose those moments for us because He loves us. Not because of anything we do, but because of our faith in Him. (John 6:29)

When you truly understand how much God loves you on a personal level, you can't help but see Him everywhere. When you know what He thinks when He thinks about you, and that all those thoughts are good, you start to believe that He does want good things for you and your life, not just in Heaven... but here and now.

Psalm 107 talks about how it doesn't matter who or where you are, He sees you...

Some gathered in the desert wastes. (Verse 4) 

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death. (Verse 10)

Some were fools. (Verse 17)

Some went down to the sea in ships. (Verse 23)

But what does it say about all of these people?

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress. 

(Verses 6, 13, 19 & 28) 

If you read the whole chapter, you'll see that God not only delivered them from their distresses, but He did it in a way that was individual to their needs.

God loves each and every one of us and wants to not only deliver us from our distress, but to bless us individually. If we look around, with open eyes and an open heart, we can't help but see what He is doing everywhere...

Hope

Today I met Jay for the second time.

Standing on the same corner as before, holding a similar sign, Jay didn't make eye contact, or even look up when I drove through the intersection. I did see him lift his eyes enough to read the sign on the side of my car. I wondered for a brief second if he remembered me.

About six weeks ago I stopped at that same corner to give a guy with a sign a few dollars. I asked his name and told him things would get better, that God wanted better for him. Jay told me thank you. That he had been clean and sober a number of months, but he needed to get by until he found a job and got an apartment.

When I saw him today, I went to the next closest restaurant and bought him a small gift card. I also took one of my "Who Am I?" cards and wrote a note to him on the back telling him that God wants more for him than he can even imagine right now... that Jesus loves him and I do too.

I returned, but Jay was gone from his previous spot. Disappointed, I thought, "This is what You wanted me to do, God, right? Didn't You put him right in front of me again for a reason?"

Looking both ways, so I could drive off, I saw Jay was actually walking down the street right towards me, eyes still directed at the ground. I waited until he got closer. When I realized he intended to walk around me without looking up and rolled down my window and called out to him.

"Jay! What happened? I thought you had a place lined up."

"The job didn't work out. I have a record and no license. It will though. I'll find something."

"When I saw you over there I wanted to get you something and let you know I remember you. I'm still praying." Then I handed him the things I had for him.

I know some people will call me gullible, an easy mark. Some would say that I had no idea if he was lying or telling the truth about anything. He could still trade a gift card for drugs or alcohol. He could throw that note I gave him away without even reading it.

But in that moment, when I handed him the things and he dove through my rolled-down window without warning to give me a hug and say a smiling thank you, I knew I had done the right thing.

I'm not writing about this because I believe I did anything special. I'm telling you because you have opportunities to bring people hope every single day.

You don't have to be able to give someone a job or fix their life. You don't have to go broke trying to rescue somebody. A moment of kindness can give them hope... and that hope may be just what they need to get through another day.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, 

all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 

 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 

No other commandment is greater than these.”

~Mark 12:30-31

A spark of enthusiasm

I know you've heard the verse before. Some of you even have it committed to memory.

Take delight in the LORD, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

I spent years holding onto that verse, expecting God to give me what my heart wanted. I would pray faithfully, for a while, because I somehow had the idea that if I asked enough times, God would give in. Then, when begging through prayer didn't work, I'd try something that pretty much amounted to bribery.

"Do You see how good I'm being God? I'm following all Your rules. 

If You want it to continue, then just give me what I want."

To me, "take delight in the Lord" meant "follow all the rules." And "He will give me the desires of my heart" amounted to Him handing over whatever I wanted at any given moment. And I was often angry that it didn't work out the way I planned.

I was reading a passage in Haggai today about the rebuilding of the Lord's Temple by the Israelites. When they discussed rebuilding the temple among themselves, they decided that it really wasn't the right time. They just weren't feelin' it. It wasn't a desire of their heart.

God sent a messenger to tell them to get on it. "Is anyone going to ask Me if it's time? You are spending so much time doing what you think you want, you aren't listening to Me. Start building!" and they did.

The Bible says they did it because they were afraid of God. Their fear was understandable. They still lived under the old covenant. Unlike us, they were still being rated on performance. But what interested me most about this story is in the 14th verse of chapter one.

"So the lord sparked the enthusiasm of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the enthusiasm of Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the enthusiasm of the whole remnant of God’s people. They began to work on the house of their God, the lord of Heaven’s Armies,"

They changed their minds to agree with God... and were they miserable about it? Did they drag their feet and have to force themselves to get up every day to do His will? No! It says He "sparked the enthusiasm" not just of the leaders, but of the group of people involved.

You can tell from the beginning of the passage that the Israelites didn't want to rebuild the temple. They weren't praying daily for God to please let the right time come soon. But when they heard God's voice and agreed with Him, He gave them a desire in their heart to do His will.

My favorite view of Praise and Worship
is from the sound booth.

I am in charge of the A/V department at church. I find, train, and schedule volunteers, design lighting scenes, record and edit services for online viewing, and often run the presentations from the sound booth during services, among other things. It is a time consuming and often frustrating position to be in. 

Considering all the other things going on in my life, all the reasons I have to say, "Sorry, I don't have time." why do I do it? Because I love it.

God put a desire in my heart to help my church share His Word this way.
He sparked my enthusiasm for this area of ministry.

I truly believe, and I did long before I ever read that passage, that God wants us to enjoy what we do in life. God did not create us to be miserable. If you aren't enthusiastic about your job or your area of ministry, or maybe even your family situation... you have to ask yourself two things. 

Am I delighting myself in the Lord?

What desires is God putting in my heart?

Maybe He wants to put a desire within you to change your family dynamics. 

Maybe He wanted you to take that job you were excited about, but seemed like too big of a risk. 

Maybe that thing you used to love doing that now feels like an exhausting chore, is a thing He wants you to let go of to make room for something more fulfilling.

Maybe, that area of ministry that you want to be a part of, but you just "don't have time for" will bring you more joy than you can imagine right now. 

Ask Him, and remember that God wants better for us than we can ever even dream of wanting for ourselves.

Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. 

By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. 

~Ephesians 3:20 (GWT)

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

~Psalm 16:11 (ESV)

Take delight in the LORD, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4 (NLT)

Don't talk about my child that way...

Last night...

I drop my oldest daughter off at work and head back towards home.

I'm about halfway there when she calls me, upset.

Me: Hello?

Her: I am the worst.

Me: What?

Her: I wore the wrong shoes and they won't let me work without the right ones.

She then launches into a defensive, yet self deprecating monologue about how they've let her before and it isn't fair and how she is dumb and terrible and etc etc.

Me: Just stop.

Her: I need my shoes.

Me: Okay. 

(Momentary silence)

She starts back up again... never once actually asking me to get her shoes for her.

Me: Stop. Repeat after me. Mom, I need my work shoes. Could you go in the house and get them from ______________ and bring them to me at work, please?
Her: I don't know where they are. I looked for them earlier but... 

Me: (Interrupting) Then try this: Mom, I need my work shoes. Could you go in the house find my shoes and bring them to me at work, please?

She complies. Finally.

It takes awhile to find her shoes, but once I do, I send her a text and jump into the car to make the 7 minute trip back to her work. She's waiting outside when I pull up and opens the door, reaching in to grab the shoes.

Her: (With a pained expression on her face) I'm terrible... I...

Me: Stop! Just say thank you.
Her: Thank you! I love you!

Me: I love you too. Bye!

As emotional teenager moments go, this was relatively mild. But driving away I thought how frustrating it was that she was so busy apologizing for her mistake and tearing herself down that she didn't ask for help or say thank you until she was reminded. 

I am human, and I get frustrated sometimes. I also will not pull her out of every situation she gets herself into. But she didn't even ask for help until I told her to because she was so focused on her mistake instead of the fact that I am her mom and I love her.

And all the tearing herself down, saying things about herself that aren't true... doesn't she know who she is to me? She's my child. Regardless of the mistakes she makes, I think she's pretty fantastic. Nobody should feel free to talk about my child that way... not even my child.

I remember when I used to go to God that way for help. 

I'd start off by telling Him how awful and stupid I was. I'd tell Him I was sorry for my mistake or bad choice, but then I'd complain about the consequences and throw in a little about how it wasn't all my fault, just in case it might make Him a little less angry. I was so focused on myself, I couldn't see that He wasn't angry at all.

I think about how it felt to hear my beautiful, smart, talented, highly favored and dearly loved daughter tear herself to bits with her words over a pair of forgotten shoes, and realize how it must have sounded to God when His beautiful, smart, talented, highly favored and dearly loved daughter tore herself to pieces with her words over her own human mistakes in the same way. 

Understanding who we are to anyone, what they think of us, what their expectations of us are, changes the way we interact with them on all levels. It decides whether we approach someone with confidence or trepidation. It determines how we interpret and react to their actions as well. It is so important to communicate to others who they are to us.

God knows that. That's why He provided us with written proof of who we are to Him. It's all in the Bible. 

Below is one of many verses that tells us what God thinks of us...

CLICK HERE to see more verses about who you are in Christ.

For the Lord your God is living among you.

He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

~Zephaniah 3:17

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

~Proverbs 23:7

Who are you?

This has been a year of big changes for me, spiritually speaking. I don't think I could have a more different view of God now than I did this time last year without being something other than a Christian.

The things I've learned about God are rarely taught in most churches these days. And while I dearly love the churches I've gone to over the years, and have great respect for their leaders, I can't help but wonder why the things that changed my entire outlook on life, were not things I learned on a Sunday morning.

I've spent years believing that I had to act right to be acceptable to God, believing that I was spitting in Jesus' face, or trampling His grace under my feet whenever I sinned. I've listened to hundreds of messages that drove me to look inward, at myself, and how I should be doing a better job of being a Christian... how I was obligated to "do better" because of His sacrifice.

And I tried. I tried so hard and failed again and again. As I failed, discouragement would increase until, eventually, I would give up in some way. Usually not too long after, I found myself asking God for forgiveness and trying again. And while I never doubted my salvation, I always knew that when I got to Heaven some day, God would be letting me in begrudgingly, with an eye roll and a shrug.

Even when things looked good to the outside world, I was hurting. Early 2015 saw me in a struggle that made me feel like my best option was to just let God give up on me... because I couldn't get it right. One bad choice spiraled into several and I was so close to not trying anymore.

Oh, how wrong I had it... and I'm so thankful to know.

I remember one of my moments of revelation from this year. Joseph Prince said that either I was righteous because of grace, or I was righteous because I am doing the right things... works... and that I couldn't have it both ways. The moment I tried to pay for His sacrifice with works, I was discounting what He had done on the cross.

It was a light-bulb moment. When I began to comprehend that my sins: past, present and future, had already been forgiven, that feeling of obligation to do the right thing was broken. Suddenly, I wasn't obligated to do anything "right," yet, I wanted to... more than ever.

What a freeing feeling... knowing that God already saw me as righteous... that while I had been declaring myself "a sinner, saved by grace" I should have been calling myself what I really am... "the righteousness of God in Christ."

Over the course of the last year, I have come to learn that when God sees me, He doesn't see a sinner at all. He sees so much more. Below is something I put together that shows just some of the things God says I am... and the good news is... He says you are these things too.

I read it to myself often, saying the words out loud. Not to make them more true, but to help me understand and believe it. Romans 12:12 says that we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds. That's what reading this out loud to myself does.

I can't help but believe it makes Satan shake a bit... because no one is more dangerous to him than someone who knows who she is in Christ.

The bad guy

As my testimony has been shared through various outlets over the last couple of years, a few characters in the story of my life have let me know how much they don't appreciate it. 

Sometimes, the upset comes from feeling like they have been portrayed badly in the story. But occasionally it was because they weren't mentioned at all. Afraid of what someone might think if they step back and look at the big picture, I'm sure they imagine others thinking or saying: "Isn't that Kindall's so-and-so? Why weren't they mentioned? Where were they? Did they just let all of this happen to her and the kids?"

Let me start by answering that last part. Nobody just let anything happen to us. Our circumstances were a result of my bad choices and my pride. Other people's choices affected me, but I made the final decisions on the direction our lives went. 

In response to these characters, it would be easy for me to share one of my favorite quotes and leave it at that...

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. 

If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

~Anne Lamott (Bird By Bird)

But, as I think about all of this again in the light of grace, I realize that it is important to me that people understand that I don't write to make anyone look bad. My story doesn't need a bad guy. It already has one... and he was way worse than any mere human who made hurtful choices.

Actually, whether you write it out or not, the same is true for your story.

The only "bad guy" in your story is Satan. Everyone else is just human. When you realize that, the amount of grace you are able to extend to others (and yourself) increases exponentially.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. Not just the forgiveness we have through Jesus, but also the forgiveness we share with others. As I write my story, some awful things that some people did will inevitably be included... but I hope to be able to convey that I no longer associate anger or pain with those people. 

I could continue to wallow in the hurt and pain. I could continue to be in victim mode indefinitely. I could spend my hours writing about the ways others tried to steal, kill and destroy. I could let it eat away at me. 

I could, but I won't. I choose to have life, and to have it abundantly.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

~John 10:10

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander 

be put away from you, along with all malice. 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

~Ephesians 4:31-32