Designed to create

You won't see many blog posts out there on exhaustion from a first person perspective. Why? Because exhaustion sucks the creativity right out of the person who is dealing with it. It sucks the energy out of us too.

I haven't written because that's where I was. I'm out of it now and can write again. So, what happened? Was I doing more? Was I not taking care of myself? Was I just lazy?

I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple months and it has been an adventure. Looking back, I realized that it wasn't just the amount of stuff I was doing that caused the exhaustion. It was the type of stuff I was doing.

My business was good, but stagnant. The volunteer work I once loved had turned from creating light shows and scenes that set the tone of a church service to scheduling people and being in charge of processes. Lots of stuff like that. Boring.

I hired a business coach to try to figure out why I was burnt out and to get help. Actually, it was our first meeting, before I even hired her, that she showed me that I was designed to create... not manage. I suddenly felt free to explore other ideas for the first time ever... because I was doing what God designed me to do.

I had been going to live music shows and posting about them so other people could find them too... but I had been viewing it as a hobby I probably shouldn't take seriously. When I realized that I had confined myself to the boredom and burnout I had been dealing with, I decided to pursue something new... something that breathed new life into me.

Suddenly, it was a business. In 6 weeks I had over 500 followers (growing every day) and local bands and venues are working with me to get their shows promoted. Three months ago I was still too scared to walk into a music venue or a bar by myself. In fact, it was just about 3 months ago that some friends were late for karaoke and I sat in the car for 20 minutes until I was sure they were inside before even getting out of my car.

Two weekends ago I saw seven bands in seven venues in two nights, but kept to myself... not letting anyone know who I am. This weekend I saw 6 different bands and walked up and introduced myself between sets. People who know me, look at me and are amazed at the differences they see.

I've never lived outside of my comfort zone so consistently or so deliberately before. 

Some may see that and think, but what does that have to do with grace? Isn't this a blog about how God's grace changed your life? 

Yes, yes it is. 

And because I'm no longer living in fear of making the wrong choice or making God angry... I know who I am, who He created me to be. The world can put all the expectations on me they want. It doesn't bother me. I can focus on the thing He created me to do. CREATE. 

I've never felt more like I was made in His image than at this moment in my life.

Grace did that for me.

God created mankind in his own image. 

Gen 1:27

By grace you have been saved through faith.

Ephesian 2:8

I will put my laws into their minds, and write them on their hearts, 

and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Hebrews 8:10b

Mondays are not the problem

I don't hate Mondays. I just can't.

I love my job and the fact that God lets me make people's lives better in the variety of ways He does. I love that I can provide for my family. I love that I have a decent place to live and enough food that I can say things like, "I should exercise more or eat less."

Am I super excited about getting up at 5:30am tomorrow? No. Am I energized when considering every aspect of my upcoming work week? No.

But I am so blessed... blessed more than I could ever write here. I know who I am... and who I am doesn't hate any day that I wake up alive and have the ability to praise the Lord for everything I get to do.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." 

Philippians 4:8-9

Waiting on God

Constantly on a quest for answers, we humans want to find logic in everything. We want everything to make sense, even though we know life doesn't. I've written before about living by faith, and doing so to an extent that seems foolish to those who strive for logic and reason. Even those of us who believe that this is the best way to live, tend to be astounded by God's timing, precision, and attention to detail when He finally reveals one of His plans... it is an assault on our fleshly desire for reason.  

It's one of the reasons I share the ways God comes through for me time and time again. We need the encouragement of hearing how God came through for others.

This recently happened to a friend of mine.

Getting ready to transition to a new job in just six days, J found out that it had fallen through. Having already been replaced at this current job, he was understandably very upset. I told him about the book that really challenged my faith, Extravagant Fool, by Kevin Adams and he said he would look into it. But, I felt a gentle nudge from the Spirit. Knowing he probably wouldn't go get it, went to the bookstore and bought it for him.
 
We talked as he read it, and it was awesome hearing someone else with many of the same thoughts and feelings that I had. He ultimately loved the book and told me that he was going to stop worrying and let God be in control.

A few days later, it was Friday, his last day on the job... until someone called in and management asked him to cover Saturday. Then, Monday, the day he should have started his new job came and he received another call as someone didn't show up for work. J talked on the phone to the manager (who managed remotely from Chicago) and talked about changes that needed to be made in the store that J was unable to make because he was not management.

An hour later the manager called back. The decision was made to let the store be managed locally, and they gave J his job back... along with a promotion and a raise.
 
What gets me the most is that J could have freaked out about being jobless. He could have tried to "fix" it himself. He could have started another job, lined up a bunch of interviews, or even just had a bad attitude about losing his job, and been a jerk to the boss. Any of those things could have made him unavailable the two times that they called him.

Instead, he chose to wait on the Lord, believing there was a plan... and he was shocked to find out just how good of a plan it was.

What decision is stressing you out today? What unexpected happening has thrown you into a frenzy? Take a deep breath and look up. Know that He Who created you, knew this was going to happen before time began, and He has had a plan all along. When you pray for answers, don't forget to be quiet and listen for them. Waiting on the Lord, putting your trust in Him, will take you places you never imagined.

I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:13-14

Fear Rising...

I have prayed over and over for the outcome that I want in the upcoming custody trial. I know that this little girl belongs with her mom and her siblings. I know that we are what is best for her. It hurts me to see the way her dad manipulates her...

So here is my question... as I keep praying for God to do what is right for her in the upcoming custody hearing... I KNOW that what is best is for her to be here. Nobody who knows us questions this.

But I also know that sometimes God allows things to happen that we don't expect... for various reasons that we may never know... What if He decides to let the other lawyer pull the wool over the judge's eyes? What if there is a lesson here I am supposed to learn?

What if, like He did with Job, God allows something awful to happen... regardless of my righteousness in Him... regardless of how far I have come with His help... regardless of how I give Him the glory.

I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear... but how do I get rid of these feelings? How do find my confidence again?

Fifteen days to go...


(Edited...) Wow... how long ago did I post about a peace that passes all understanding? And now I go on and on about not knowing... praying for continued peace... even if God does allow the worst, He will work all things for the good...

Thank you Lord for a little bit of clarity this morning... and a confirmation that sometimes I don't really need to write to get things out... but to just go to sleep and see if things don't look a little brighter in the morning. Amen.