Alone

If I only share the positive, then none of what I write matters.

I am tired, angry, and frustrated at the moment.

I can say it over and over.

Sometimes I even convince myself it’s true.

As long as I have Jesus

I am not alone.

But let’s be real here…

(because if you haven’t noticed

I’m all about being real here…)

I am still alone.

Go ahead and argue with me.

Remind me of every amazing thing

God has done

and is doing

in my life.

I know!

Tell me how much worse

other people have it.

I know that too.

I will tell you that

Monday night I went to a Christmas program by myself.

Tuesday night I went to a funeral alone.

Tonight was another Christmas program.

I have no Christmas decorations up.

I haven’t done one bit of actual shopping.

I can’t wait for my kids to go away for the weekend.

I feel awful for saying that.

It doesn’t make it less true.

Promises are comforting

But they don’t park the car.

And they don’t make the dinner.

And they don’t do the laundry.

And they don’t clean the house.

And they don’t make holiday plans.

And they don’t stand up for you when nobody will listen.

I do all those things, and so much more.

Alone.

The worst part is knowing

it will be this way

for a very long time.

I don’t like to admit it…

but I know.

Now you’re probably thinking,

 “Hey, isn’t this the girl

who keeps telling us

this life isn’t about her?

It sure sounds like she thinks it is…”

I know that too.

Unfortunately for me, I’m also still human

And as I’ve said before… humanity sucks.

Thank God for mercies that are new every morning.

Praying that tomorrow will be a much better day.

Not banking on it though.