All my needs

I used to say I wasn't designed to live life on my own.
And I was right.
I just didn't understand
what "not on my own"
was supposed to mean.
But I now know
I was designed to live a life
depending on God
and trusting in His plans for me.
Knowing He will meet
ALL of my needs.

Even the needs that I don't necessarily want met.

I know I needed to see
that couple in their nineties
married seventy years
when their faces lit up
as they laid eyes on each other
after being separated for a few days.

I know I needed to see
that young bride
waiting outside
her apartment door,
because she couldn't wait
to see her husband
come home from work.


I know I needed to see
that look in a friend's eyes
when he talks about her
and their past, present and future.
for so many reasons.
Mostly to know
the reason for that look
exists in real life.

All true stories
All so very different
from my own experiences
and while it is wonderful to know 
that kind of love exists,
it can be frustrating to know that
it doesn't exist for me.
At least, not yet.

But that doesn't mean I didn't need to see it.

Keeping busy with work
surrounding myself with friends
reading books,
writing blog posts
packing my schedule
until I'm exhausted
none of those things
fill that empty feeling I have
from wanting what they have.

But I made promises.
And I won't compromise.
I know that in the end
I'm going to be so glad
that I waited for God
to open the right door
to the right future
at the right time.

Paul talked about
God's power being
made perfect
in his weakness.
But today I want to say
"Okay God, I get this lesson,
pick another weakness
and let me move forward here."

Then I have to remember
my life isn't about me...
so when something happens
if it ever happens
it will be a story
that lets His glory shine through
and His timing will be perfect.

I've said before that
other people's souls
are more important
than my earthly life.
So, if being alone
for one more week
made some part of my story
that much more compelling
that God was able to use it
to capture a soul from the brink of Hell,
would I agree to one more week?
What if He asked me to wait a month?
What if He asked me to wait a year?
What if He asked me to wait more?

I wish I had a resounding Yes.
Because I know that is the "right" answer.
But I'm human.
So I'm going to say
"I can do it for a few more days, Lord...
Ask me again after that."

In the mean time, I can't spend my time
trying to fulfill my neediness with other people,
when I know He is waiting for me to come to Him
so that His power can be made perfect in my weakness.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2–3

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10