Bootstraps

My story has been described

as one of a woman

who fell on hard times

pulling herself up by her bootstraps to succeed.

That isn’t completely true.

I didn’t fall on hard times.

I climbed into them,

sometimes blindly,

but almost always willingly.

I thought that the times

that begat my hard times

were the answers 

to my misguided prayers.

I never bothered to look to God and say,

 “Is this from You?”

While I can’t say for certain,

it is almost undoubtedly true

that I never asked

because I already knew the answer.   

The Bible clearly states that God hates sin.

God doesn’t reward sin.

God doesn’t offer sin as a reward.

But if the situations before my hard times

were something that I thought I wanted,

there was no stopping me.

The most successful path to Hell

is slow and steady.

No sharp turns or drops.

No reason to make us think

we might be wrong.

Murder is a great sin, as sins go

But Satan is safer to turn us into

gossips and time wasters

who won’t be jolted 

back to reality

until it is too late.

Everyone has their breaking point

the enemy found mine

and no doubt took delight

in watching my struggle.

I broke and fell to the ground.

There, on my knees,

is where I was when I looked up

towards Heaven

for help

and hope.

God let me do things my own way, 

though He has the power 

to make me do 

whatever He wants. 

 He let me make 

my own choices

my own mistakes

knowing that when I finally came to Him 

in complete and willing surrender, 

it would be real and lasting.

When I finally waved that white flag,

that is when He showed me 

those bootstraps 

and how to pull myself up… 

by grabbing ahold of His hand.

Thank You Lord, 

for Your patience and Your grace.

I will spend the rest of my life telling people

how awesome You really are...

and it still won't be long enough

to show how truly grateful I am.