I thought

I thought it was an amazing revelation
that God is not a jerk, just waiting for me
to screw up so He can punish me.
Instead I am beginning to realize that
without fear of His immediate wrath
I'm not in such a hurry to do what I should.
And even as I type that I ask myself
"What the heck is wrong with you!?!
After all He has done, do you consider
shrugging off these gifts and promises
simply because it feels difficult this week?"

I want to repent for the thoughts swirling in my head, but I don't think I mean it.
And I know enough to know that He would know the truth.

I am sure that this is just a temporary
tug from the direction of the enemy.
I know that His plans for me are great
because He knows me and loves me.
Just feeling incredibly human at the moment.

Headed to prayer at church.
Focusing on some other people's prayers
would probably be good for me right now.