Don't listen to Oprah

So I used to write a blog
that was titled and written
based on something
I had probably seen
on daytime TV.
Oprah? Dr Phil? Who knows.
I seem to remember
watching shows about
"living my best life."
Anyway,
I had decided
I was going to post
every
single
day
for one year.

365 posts to a better me
so I could be ready
for my 'forever'.
No, not Heaven...
the perfect man, of course.
I even wrote all
about him.
I wrote about
having the faith
of Joshua.
Not that I expanded
on anything enough to
prove I even knew
what that means.
I wrote about
how God was going
to help me change.
I wrote a lot about
me.
In fact, it was ALL about me.
I even had the nerve
to give God a time table.
In 365 days
I was going to be
a better person
in good shape
and engaged to the man of my dreams.
(stop laughing, not only did I mean it... but people were encouraging me!)

So that blog was to help me
keep a record...
Because I wrote it down and told God it's what I wanted.
If you write it down and speak it into the universe, it comes back to you.
So I was going to get it...
WHAT!?!
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was Oprah's idea.
Let's blame her.
She'll never know anyway.

So where was I
365 days after that first post?
Homeless
Broke
Broken
and so much more...

It is crazy reading the things that I wrote back then... 2.5 years ago...
I hope that when I read this, in the future,
I don't shake my head
and wonder what I was thinking.

Yes, God has promised to give me the desires of my heart.
But it's like I read the other day..
Life with Him isn't Burger King
I can't have it my way.

Psalm 37:4-5

4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:

 
Why do so many people focus on the

underlined section of those verses

and completely forget highlighted part?

How much better
     would these last few years
have been
     had I asked God what
HIS will for my life was
     instead of telling HIM
what my plan was
     and expecting HIM to do it.


After reading I also did some praying today about an ex (J) who I wrote about like he was God in that other blog. It was really eye-opening for me to read it again. I say it took me two years to get over him... really, that was when he told me his heart belonged to someone else. So I was done. I have never been interested in a man who wasn't either available or a good enough liar to convince me that he was... but it is ridiculous that it took me that long and that THAT was the real end. Another "what was I thinking" moment. Last time I wrote about him, I called it part 1... but after today I doubt I will write much more about him.
It's over and done
And not because he moved on
It's done because J is not God's will for my life.
And that is what I care about
God's will for my life
     not my will
          not even Oprah's.

Roman's 12:2

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.