It isn't Confidence

Beware

Out of nowhere, 
overpowering, 
bright light blinding, 
knocks you to your knees. 
Heat flaring fingertips, 
beads of perspiration, 
instantly evaporating. 
Electricity flows 
through body and soul. 
The deafening roar 
driving you insane. 
Heart pounding thrill 
dangles you near death. 
A vacuum created 
leaving you,
breathless. 
Absorbing your energy 
leaving you,
limp and lifeless. 
Never striking twice 
leaving you,
alone. 
My love is a bolt of lightning.

What a woman she was, the woman who believed this about herself. Sexy. Confident. Knowing that she could have any man she wanted, give him the thrill of his life, and walk away... destroying him...  leaving you, leaving you, leaving you... she says it 3 times... and hey, she warned him beforehand, right? So she wasn't to blame.

This was written before the term "shock and awe" became popular... but that's what she wanted to do... shock him, bring him to his knees, completely take the life from him... leave him in awe and disappear.

Today's feminists would say it sounds like a sexually liberated woman who knows what she wants and gets it without having to compromise or give up any part of herself. They would be wrong.

This was written by a broken woman. Too afraid, at that point, to attempt to act this way herself, she imagined it... wrote it down... conceived it almost as an act of revenge against those who had treated her that way.

They too would warn her. Vague answers and lies, disrespect... all were giant red flags she ignored.

No self respect. No confidence. Plenty of self loathing.

Angry.

With herself and with them.

This wasn't confidence. This was a cry.

But I got an A on the college poetry assignment and my classmates looked at me a little differently after I read it that day. Treated me a little less like "that girl everyone knows who got knocked up in high school" and a little more like someone who might know something.

And the girl in the class who was already a published writer of porn passed along some information... just in case I ever wanted to broaden my horizons.

If you read my last post, then you know this is just a little more proof... I guess God does play chess backwards.

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,

who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28