I think I'm okay.
it has been a year
or more since I could say that
and really mean it
a year of learning
counseling, mushrooms, prayer
not in that order
I'm writing again
that's the most convincing part
that I'm me again
We have been struggling this year. There have been times that we were no more than a few wrong words from divorce.
We both have a responsibility for that in different ways. But that's for another day, and maybe not even for the blog, ever... we'll have to see.
Things would get better and worse, better and worse. But the highs and lows both continued to get lower and lower. I finally said, "We're going to counseling." and got us signed up. Our first session was on our 4th anniversary and I wasn't sure by the end of the 45 minutes whether or not we were on the same page with saving it.
But we started reading the book I mentioned in the last post... Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs, and by the end of the first week, things started to seem better. Still, I was nervous. But day by day things started to seem better. I could not only see him trying harder, but I could see him seeing me trying.
Then we got the news about his job. It could have all fallen apart there. In fact, if it had happened in July or August, I'm pretty sure this would be a very different blog post.
I have said in the past that while I do not believe God gives us negative things, I do believe that he lets us deal with the consequences of our choices... especially when we aren't asking for or looking for him to intervene.
While I'm not thankful we were in such a negative place at all, I am thankful it got so bad that counseling was necessary. Because that's the point where we each individually said, "Hey God, we know you're there. We know you're for us. We know you've got us if we want your help... we've just kinda been doing our own thing, but we might have F'ed it up. Help!"
The best news is, he was just waiting for us to open the door and let him in. And while I wish we had done it sooner, I am SO THANKFUL we didn't wait any longer.
We're going to make it. There are plenty of ups and downs to come, but we're going to make it. And while I will work to be respectful about what I share without explicit permission, I can't keep our journey to myself.
I made promise to God years ago - that if he would keep opening doors and keep making my story better, I would keep sharing it.
I'm writing again. I'm sharing, excited to see what happens next... thankful to know that when the timing matters, God's still paying attention.
