Still moving along

I have come a long way
in the last couple of years,
I really do know this.
That doesn't mean circumstances
don't deflate me at times.
I'm human, and it turns out
I don't actually have
any amazing super powers!
I was discussing with a friend
why some things don't seem
to be going my way...
feeling like I must be
doing something wrong,
but I don't really know what,
when I got a phone call.
The caller said she heard
what a great speaker I am
and asked me to come speak
to her group in September.
In the middle of feeling frustrated,
God reminded me, yet again,
that I don't have to have become perfect,
or know everything
for Him to use me to reach others.

It doesn't mean the situations
I am dealing with are fixed.
I don't feel better about them.
I don't know why God isn't
taking control, fixing me or
telling me how to fix myself.
But I also know His plans for me
are not at a standstill while
He waits for me to figure it all out.

Sick

One of the worst parts
of being a single mom
is that nobody in the house
cares when you are sick.

A cold, some extra stress,
and an argument with a friend
catapulted me into the worst
migraine I have ever had.

Although, to be fair,
I think I've only ever
had a migraine once before.

I couldn't open my eyes,
or move or talk without
having to work to keep
myself from throwing up.

Every time I fell asleep,
one of the kids yelled
and startled me awake.

I got up long enough
to order them pizza
then went back to bed
and cried and prayed.

Why do I have to keep
doing this all alone? I asked.
The only thing cared about
when mom is sick
is does this mean she won't
be able to cook us dinner?

Out of nowhere D came over
sat on my bed, stroked my hair,
and said, "You look like death."

Seriously God?
This is the answer to my prayer,
this man who broke my heart more
than once in the last several months?

But the concern in his eyes was real.
And he would have done anything
to make me feel better at that moment.

We talked for awhile and I managed
to get up and eat some dinner.
I even laughed a couple times.
He ran interference with the kids
and helped keep things calm for a bit.

Sometimes it just takes
knowing someone cares
to make things a little better.

The visit itself didn't mean anything
in the long term scheme of things. 
We are not getting back together.
He is moving away in a few weeks.
But he was here when I needed someone
to care... and it was much appreciated.

While I know a relationship
isn't going to be all about me
I look forward to the day when
having someone care when I'm sick,
which thankfully is a very rare occurrence, 
isn't due to a coincidental visit.

The migraine is long gone,
still dealing with the rest,
and life just keeps moving forward.

Dating with purpose

Have you ever had that moment where something you taught your child came back to you through them, that moment when you are contemplating something and they give you the advice you would give them if the roles were reversed?

A couple of years ago
my now sixteen year old
had a crush on a boy
who was not a Christian.
We began discussing then
how dating should be purposeful.
If you're not going to marry him,
you shouldn't date him either.

I want to get married.
Not now. Someday.
Okay, now would be nice...
but I'm being realistic here.

If you read this blog regularly,
you probably already know that.
When I'm dating someone new though
they may not realize that at first.
A few dates in, the conversation comes up.
"I am on the 'marriage track'.
If you ever think you aren't,
whether it is that you realize
marriage isn't for you, or
you realize marriage to me
isn't for you... I need to know."
There is no real time line
for a ring and a date
But it is important to me
we are both on the same track.

I recently had someone tell me
he doesn't think his current path
involves getting married.
We could continue to date,
but I'd have to be okay with
not moving towards marriage.

I contemplated it a bit
because I like this guy a lot.
I pretty much knew
what the end result would be
if I let things continue...
I'd keep hoping his path would change
only to end up hurt and disappointed
with no one to blame but myself
because I knew all along.
But I mulled it over with a friend
and mentioned it to my daughter.

That's when she asked me,
"If you are a Christian who doesn't plan on getting married what is the point of dating?"

It was a confirmation of
what I already knew I should do
from a source I never expected,
as well as a reminder that
every once in awhile
I manage to teach them something good...

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Proverbs 22:6