Seasons

There are a lot of blog drafts sitting in my blog account here. Most of them are about my struggle with depression over the last year. Many are just a few words long. I wish I could have made myself write them. I just wasn't in the right place. When I'm sad, words are extremely hard. 

The hysterectomy of my tumor-riddled uterus (benign) followed by a rough recovery, betrayal by two people I thought were friends (one who actively tried to turn others against me) and one other who I thought was a great employee, as well as a nationwide shortage of my ADHD medication, and regular seasonal blues all ganged up on me at once.

With barely enough strength and interest to keep my businesses afloat, I sat in our recliner day after day for months... In a few months time, I watched all 15 seasons of ER - 335 hours. I watched all of The West Wing - 154 hours. I watched countless other shows and movies... because I didn't have the emotional strength to get out of my chair.   

While I absolutely believe counseling can be useful in many situations, counseling alone didn't help me here. I learned more from delving into books on counseling and working on myself while drawing from what I already knew, than from the actual counselors I saw... and I saw several.

Eventually I read about a supplement that was supposed to help. I started it in April and have been continuing my own positive mental health journey since then... I never would have expected a combination of nootropics and psilocybin to pull me out, but it did and I am so thankful for the information I came across about microdosing and depression. 

I'm writing today for a couple of reasons... 

First, I miss writing. I want to try to keep it up. I know it's an important part of who I am and what I am supposed to do with my life. I love encouraging people through writing.

There have been many 'seasons' for me in the last four years. I am so proud of many of the journeys I've been through. Each one brought change for me, some tiny course corrections and other big leaps of faith and belief. I really wish I had written through them.

That brings me to the second reason I am writing. I believe we're on the verge of another season, another adventure in faith and I want to be able to look back someday and see it and say, "Look what God did for us." because he always does take care of us. Season after season, promise after promise.