Whom shall I fear?

It seems like
the cold gray rainy days
are taking their toll
on my emotions today,
although it could just be
a convenient excuse to
to turn on the electric blanket
and take a long nap
and pretend life doesn't exist.

Three times today
I've cried for no reason
other than the arguments
going on in my own head.
I keep praying that God
will answer me
tell me what to do next
send a sign
smack me upside the head
anything
to get me to see
what I must be missing.

I have never wanted
to follow His path
more than I do
right this moment
and at the same time
I don't remember
ever feeling this lost.
(Although that's partly because when I WAS lost, I didn't know or care.)

So many things
are so close to falling apart
and I don't know how
to fix them
and I can't even ask
for help
because I don't know
what I need.
Except for answers
that I'm not getting.

The Lord is my light
and my salvation
Whom shall I fear?
Only the person
who gets me into more trouble
than anyone else I know.
Me.

Save me from myself.
Fight for me.
I need to know You are fighting for me.