Don't be surprised

Every day is an exercise in trust;
trust in God and His plans for you and me.

It is so easy to decide what we want
and take steps to make it happen,
praying for Him to bless it as we go.
More often than not, the outcome
isn't what we thought it would be.

We can't say "God is in control,
but I have a plan." and be surprised
when things don't work out as expected.

Often life throws us curve balls
that send us scrambling, thinking,
wondering, and re-planning the future
without even taking a moment to
let God step in and show us what
He wants to happen in the situation.

Resting in His presence, without
trying to plan, fix, and do, brings
His peace and reassurance, calming us
and giving us a chance to take in the
bigger picture that we were missing before.

  
When unsure of our next step,
our best, most solid choice is to believe
He holds us in the palm of His hand
and sees us as more valuable than
the birds of the sky and flowers of the field.

Believe that His plans for you are good
and will ultimately work out better than your own.

 

We can make our own plans,
but the Lord gives the right answer.

People may be pure in their own eyes,
but the Lord examines their motives. 

Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed.
-Proverbs 16:1-3 NLT

  

If God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and 

thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. 

Why do you have so little faith?
~Matthew 6:30

So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God 

than a whole flock of sparrows.
~Matthew 10:31   

Don't laugh

My calves have identical bruises. 

Their death grip
on the bike's speakers
kept me from flying
off of the motorcycle
I'd hopped on the back of
one evening this weekend.

Thankfully I wasn't injured later,
when I fell on my butt
and managed to almost
knock the bike over while
trying to get off of it
without first asking how.

It's weird that I would do something like that, because usually I'm so graceful.

Stop laughing ... I can be graceful.

Years ago I told my oldest that I wanted a motorcycle. She said no. She pointed out that I could barely drive a car safely and that makes a motorcycle a really dumb idea for a mom of four. She won that round. But at least I finally got to ride one this weekend for the first time since I was a kid.

So much is going on these days. I'm excited and exhausted at the same time. I definitely don't have the energy to write anything real at the moment.

I just had to check in.
When I don't write,
I know some of you worry.
Okay, maybe not.

One more thing...
It wasn't a joke.
Stop laughing.

I really can be graceful.

:-P

What's your dream?

Have you ever had God whisper
a question into your heart that
He wants you to ask someone else?

It just happened to me.

Interviewing a possible employee,
impressed by her initiative,
her excitement,
and her research skills,
I was at a loss about
what to tell her or ask her next.

"What's your dream?"

It slipped out before I had a chance to think about it.

Almost explaining the question to myself
as I was saying the words to her,
"Nobody wants to work for me
for the rest of their lives.
What do you really want to do?
What's your dream?"

I had a hard time holding back tears,
I don't know if she noticed or not,
when she said, "I want to be a BioMedical Engineer."

From our short interview  I knew
already, a few of her labels
that would make some say, "Impossible."

Again, words of explanation
to her, but surprisingly for myself,
"I need to know what the dreams
of my employees are so that
I can support them
in whatever way possible."

Contemplating after she left,
I thought about an employee of mine
who is struggling to climb an iceburg
of which I can only see the very tip.
Yesterday I didn't know if she still had a job,
today I want to ask her, "What's your dream?"


If I'm honest, it's about more than her dream.
If I'm truthful, it's about more than helping others.

The combination of overwhelmed excitement
I am feeling is a revelation of my own
about my purpose in this place and time,
and all the possibilities He has coming.

"What's your dream?" is a stepping stone to
"Why have we been put in each other's lives?"
"What does God want from me?"
 and even, "Is this part of my purpose here and now?"

What's my dream? To change some lives,
rock some worlds, solidify some foundations.
And every time I get a glimpse
of how God might be letting me do so,
I can't help but feel overwhelmed with blessings.
and awed by His divine plans and amazing grace.

They are an iceberg of which I've only seen the tip.

 

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, 

to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Ephesians 3:20

The lie

Nothing like a post titled "Fearless" to work up the enemy, right?

Yesterday morning,
after so long without issue,
panic swept over me.
Sitting outside,
laptop on the patio picnic table,
I attempted work.
To those who saw,
or called or passed by,
I probably seemed fine,
possibly even normal.

But frustration grew
as my mind was flooded,
with so many absurdities,
distracted from my work,
brain in a codependent meltdown.

What did he mean by that?
Why didn't she talk to me?
Is she avoiding me now? Is he?
Did I say the wrong thing?
No one situation, all random.

I stopped and prayed.
I searched through, read through,
and highlighted scripture.
Took a short nap, then ran an errand.
The elephant left my chest.

Codependent meltdown?
After having been freed from
codependency and proclaiming
myself healed to all who would listen,
how could this have happened?
I wrestled with it for most
of the evening afterwards.
Was I wrong about being healed?
Had I made a mistake somewhere?
What was wrong with me?

That's when it dawned on me
what was happening.
I KNOW I am free.
I can feel the difference.
What a fun game
for the enemy to play,
to try to cause doubt to creep in.

Satan didn't win any victories
over me yesterday as I struggled
with panic and and worry.
The only way he could have
was if I had begun to doubt,
if I had accepted the lie
that he was trying to feed me.

Instead, I recognized the lie,
and am spreading the word...

Satan doesn't find his victory in
a moment of your weakness.
He finds it in your acceptance of the lie
that you will never be able to rise above it.

Don't give up!
 

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

~1 Peter 5:8-9

Fearless

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  

Isaiah 41:10

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

 

Guess what I'm doing

I'm writing a book. 

I know, 

everyone says

they want to write a book.

I've decided to take the steps to do it.

I'm taking a class to teach me how to get published.

I'm on the assignment 

where we come up with some titles

and some subtitles and ask friends what they think.

Whatever I decide to use

it will be my working title

I might not use it.

A publisher might boot it.

God might change my focus part way through

causing me to pick something else altogether.

I appreciate your help and your honesty. 

I have been hesitating because 

telling everyone makes it more real

and comes with a bit of accountability. 

I know many of you will be excited for me 

and want to know how things are coming along...

So, here is assignment #1--- 

tell me in the comments here 

or on Facebook 

or on Google+ 

or message me.

Which of these would you want to read?
If you have any other suggestions, I'll listen as well...
but I will probably go with one of these in some form or another.

1. Know Your Worth: Learning God wanted more for me than I wanted for myself.

2. Beyond Survival: Finding out that what God wants for me is better than I could have asked or imagined.

3. Bootstraps: How God saved me from myself

4. Bootstraps: How God intervened when I had sunk too deep

5. Bootstraps: How God intervened when I waded too deep

6. Bootstraps: Too deep in the mud to pull myself out, God intervened

Obviously I like "Bootstraps" It's based on this blog post:

Bootstraps

 
Have questions?
Honestly, I don't have a lot of answers.
I don't have the full picture yet... but God is leading here
and that is the most important thing.

Wanna cuddle?

(This week...)

Wanna cuddle?

I looked at the words on the instant messenger and sent back a reply,

I don't even know you.

So? I think you are beautiful.
I want to make love to you.

We had been talking for a few days after meeting in a Christian Facebook group online. I had made sure after an earlier comment that he was clear about my values and beliefs, and we had a few great conversations. At this point, if he had asked me out, I would have said yes.
Now, I'm just annoyed.

I'm not interested in someone
who is only interested in sex.

 I'm not. But we can start there.
I really think you are beautiful.

Beautiful. My mind immediately went backwards...

(A few years ago...)

Crying, replaying A's words in my head,
I followed him to my bedroom.
He was right. I was lucky to even
have him pay any attention to me.

At one point, I interrupted his rant.
Sniffling, I asked him,  
But do you think I'm pretty?

His answer doesn't matter.
My heart hurts knowing how
worthless I felt to allow myself
to be treated that way by anyone.

Some days, when I'm feeling particularly single and alone, and I consider the ways I could feel less so (even though I don't follow through) I wonder if I'm really that different now. Satan is good at trying to convince me that I am the same girl today that I was, that maybe people don't see it because I just have better acting skills.

 
(Back to this week)

Again I replied, probably too politely.

You don't even know me and
I told you I'm waiting for marriage. 

But I want... (I'm not putting what he said here.) 

I give up.

On? 

Convincing you that you are being disrespectful.

He sent a sad face and I ended the conversation.
Later that night, I got another message from him, calling me his lover.

Ummm, No.

Meanie.

Boundaries. You need to be reminded I have them. 

I'm going to cross all of them and hope you still like me.  

You don't think that's disrespectful?

He didn't answer until the next morning, at which point I let him know that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him. End of story.

I've had a little time to think about the whole scenario, and have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. It's not just an act. I really mean it. Several times over the course of the last few days he had called me beautiful. He had said some other really sweet things as well. All things I would have done anything to hear in the past.

The words, "Wanna cuddle?" in the past would have made my heart skip a beat... no matter who the asker was. Not anymore.

Do I someday want a man to think I'm beautiful? Of course. But if my ultimate goal in a relationship is to be loved, honored, and cherished... I know that I can't let my head be turned by someone who doesn't even know me telling me I'm pretty.

It feels good to be able see the changes God is making in my heart, a little at a time... and to know for sure that no acting skills are involved. I value myself too much to let anyone treat me that way anymore... because I know that is how much He values me.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, 

and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize 

that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.

1 John 3:1

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for good

and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Psalm 130:13-14