Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Bootstraps (revised)

My story has been described
as one of a woman
who fell on hard times,
pulling herself up
by her bootstraps
to succeed.
That isn’t completely true.

I didn’t fall on hard times.

I climbed into them,
sometimes blindly,
but almost always willingly.
I thought that the times
that begat my hard times
were the answers
to my misguided prayers.
I never bothered to look
to God and say,
“Is this from You?”

While I can’t say for certain,
it is almost undoubtedly true
that I never asked, in part,
because I already knew the answer.   

The Bible clearly states
God hates sin.
God doesn’t reward sin.
God doesn’t offer sin as a reward.
But if the situations before my hard times
were something that I thought I wanted,
there was no stopping me
from charging ahead,
sometimes even giving Him credit.

The most successful path
to my own personal Hell
was slow and steady,
as it is for most who wander.
No sharp turns or drops.
No reason to make me
think I might be wrong.

Murder, envy, and greed are all
great sins, as sins go.
But, Satan knew he was safer
to turn me into a gossip and a time waster,
an in-denial lover of self,
someone who was convinced
she was in control
of her own life,
who wouldn’t be jolted
back to reality until it was too late.
He was almost right.

Everyone has their breaking point
the enemy no doubt took delight
in watching my struggle
to be in control
right up until the moment
I broke and fell to the ground.

There, on my knees,
I did something he didn’t expect.
I looked up towards Heaven for help and hope.

I believe that God cares more for our souls
than He does for our earthly lives.
He will let things be taken away from us,
one after another after another,
until we realize we have nothing
left but Him to hold on to.

Some of us are more stubborn than others.

God let me do things my own way,
though He has the power

to make me do whatever He wants.

He let me make my own choices, and
He let me make my own mistakes,
knowing that when I finally came to Him
in complete and willing surrender,
it would be real and lasting.

When I finally acknowledged
Who was in control,
I raised my arms 
and waved my white flag.

That is when He showed me those bootstraps
and how to pull myself up, 
by grabbing ahold of His hand.

Thank You Lord,
for Your patience and Your grace.
I will spend the rest of my life telling people
how awesome You really are...
and it still won't be long enough
to show how truly grateful I am. 

(Revised from this post: Bootstraps 12/05/2013)

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