Thursday, December 5, 2013


My story has been described
as one of a woman
who fell on hard times
pulling herself up by her bootstraps to succeed.
That isn’t completely true.

I didn’t fall on hard times.

I climbed into them,
sometimes blindly,
but almost always willingly.
I thought that the times
that begat my hard times
were the answers 
to my misguided prayers.

I never bothered to look to God and say,
 “Is this from You?”
While I can’t say for certain,
it is almost undoubtedly true
that I never asked
because I already knew the answer.   

The Bible clearly states that God hates sin.
God doesn’t reward sin.
God doesn’t offer sin as a reward.
But if the situations before my hard times
were something that I thought I wanted,
there was no stopping me.

The most successful path to Hell
is slow and steady.
No sharp turns or drops.
No reason to make us think
we might be wrong.

Murder is a great sin, as sins go
But Satan is safer to turn us into
gossips and time wasters
who won’t be jolted 
back to reality
until it is too late.

Everyone has their breaking point
the enemy found mine
and no doubt took delight
in watching my struggle.
I broke and fell to the ground.
There, on my knees,
is where I was when I looked up
towards Heaven
for help
and hope.

God let me do things my own way, 
though He has the power 
to make me do 
whatever He wants. 
 He let me make 
my own choices
my own mistakes
knowing that when I finally came to Him 
in complete and willing surrender, 
it would be real and lasting.

When I finally waved that white flag,
that is when He showed me 
those bootstraps 
and how to pull myself up… 
by grabbing ahold of His hand.

Thank You Lord, 
for Your patience and Your grace.
I will spend the rest of my life telling people
how awesome You really are...
and it still won't be long enough
to show how truly grateful I am.

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