Sunday, December 1, 2013

Fast Forward

I asked some friends for the fast forward button the other day as we began the process of moving all of our stuff to a new home. Physical labor? No big deal. Letting others see the mess? Anxiety-inducing. It's hard to admit that even with all the positive changes, I had been too overwhelmed to handle the every day messes and clutter of life.

If you know what I do for a living, you will understand when I say, "The cobbler's children had no shoes."

Surprise!... no fast forward button. I'm sure if there had been, my friends would have been on the hunt for it as well. Of course, the way the apartment looked when they walked in, even if one existed we weren't likely to find it. So instead we worked.

They were amazing. I already wrote a post about how grateful I was and overwhelmed by their help and their lack of judgement at the entire mess. It was good to hear that they know this fresh start will give the kids and I the chance to keep things from getting out of hand again. I appreciated time they spent with me... even though the work itself was not enjoyable.

Exhausted tonight, but too early for bed, I sat down to read a book about boundaries. Several people have called it "life-changing" and if you read this blog at all, you know I have some issues with boundaries. I'd love to say "used to have"... but let's be honest. I'm not exactly 'fixed' yet. As I neared page 70, it hit me that I was reading without retaining. Without realizing it, I had been reading in fast-forward... looking for the groundbreaking parts that were going to change my life... and instead getting nothing.

How often do I wish for a fast forward button in other areas of my life? Or, absent that, how often do I just focus on getting to the end goal and miss whatever it is that I am supposed to learn in the process? I try to make my own fast forward button.

I want to get married again... but there are a lot of steps between where I am and getting to that point. When my church had a marriage encounter weekend, I asked about buying tickets in faith that I'd have a husband by the time the conference came around. While I was obviously joking, I have to admit... I've had conversations with God about it because dating is scary. (Yes, I know that is totally backwards that marriage doesn't scare me but dating does!) I think it is safe to say I'm not quite ready yet... because dating with boundaries? Well, I really don't know how to do that. Besides, I have a feeling I'd be missing out on something great by using the fast forward button there. I like to hope anyway.

I tried to think of times when a fast forward button would be appropriate... sick kids in the middle of the night, funerals, one day before payday when there is no food in the house, crying over something that broke your heart, waiting for my daughter to come out of surgery...

That's when I was reminded again...

This life isn't about me.
It is about HIM.
Every time I want to fast forward through something, my feelings are what I am thinking about... not His will. Every time I push to "get this over with" no matter what it is, I am standing in the way of letting His glory shine through the situation.

When I am in fast forward mode, I'm not thinking. I'm not feeling. I'm not learning. I'm just surviving. He didn't create me just to survive. He created me to bring Him glory. 

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17

No comments:

Post a Comment