Are your arms crossed?

Would you be surprised to know that I'm stubborn? It's true. I can admit it.

One of the perks of serving at church is that I usually get there before the parking team. Meaning, nobody gets to tell me I can't park wherever I want. Sometimes I drive 'in' the way marked 'out' to avoid being directed to a certain spot.

Ask my daughter who watched us all eat ice cream last week during family movie night because she refused to eat anything green with her meal how stubborn I am. She actually spit the salad in the trash and said, "Not worth it." I guess she's a little stubborn too.

I could go on and on with examples of my stubbornness. In some ways it helps me and has kept me from walking away from my business and the plans God has for me. In others, it has made my life so much more difficult.

It was August 2012 when I went into my part-time job and excitedly declared, "I found an apartment, finally!" I was so happy, I was telling everyone who would listen. In the break room, at lunch, I sat with my food and told another person about the apartment. Someone from across the table said, "Oh, are you moving away?"

"No." I responded, "My kids and I have been living at the camp grounds for six months. We finally have a place to live again."

Several people turned and looked at me as I said it. One of them asked, "You've been homeless this whole summer? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Honestly, I didn't know. Probably for the same reason I didn't go back home and try to live with my mom or ask any of my family for help getting into an apartment.

Stubborn pride.

While part of me was angry at the people who had "helped" get me there and desperately wanted to be rescued, another part of me undoubtedly believed I deserved to be there and had to pull myself out again to prove that I was not useless or worthless. If I had help, then it wouldn't have been ME who did it.

I recently read the story of the attack on Israel in the wilderness by the Amalek. (Exodus 17:8-13) When the Israelite army went to fight them, Moses stood on top of the hill and lifted his arms towards Heaven. Any time his arms started to fall, the Amalek would prevail. When he kept his arms up, the Israelites would start winning again.

Eventually, Moses' arms became tired. So, in order to keep his arms up, Moses's brother Aaron and their friend Hur, each took a side and held his arms up in the air for him until Israel won over Amalek.

It would take a lot of humility for a grown man to let his friends hold his own arms up for him. What if Moses had fought off his friends and said, "I can handle this! If God wants me to do this, then He will equip me. I don't need your help." I don't know that the outcome would have been the same. At the very least, the battle would have lasted much longer and had many more negative consequences when Israel finally won.

Looking back at our time of being homeless, I wonder how many friends God had in place to hold up my arms during that battle who never got the chance. I wonder how many people would have jumped in to help, if they knew what was going on. I later found out most of my extended friends and family didn't know what had happened until long after we had moved to an apartment. Neither did most of my church family.

While I'm thankful for the help I did receive along the way, and the miracles God did for me. I see now that I likely prolonged our battle with my own stubborn pride.

Nobody could hold my arms for me because I had them crossed stubbornly across my chest. My "I will do this my way" attitude likely extended our battle and left us all with more scars than we otherwise would have sustained... and just like with Moses in the battle with the Amalek, in the end, it wasn't ME who did it at all... it was God.

God has put people around you to hold you up during this battle you are in too. Look around and see how many people love you and want to help.

Ask them. Tell them your arms are tired. Then, LISTEN to what they tell you. The Holy Spirit often speaks through others when the roar of your pride drowns out His voice inside of you.

Humble yourself before the Lord and he will exalt you.

James 4:10 ESV

Where there is strife, there is pride,

but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Proverbs 13:10 NIV

Where there is no guidance, a people falls,

but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14 ESV

Let not your heart be troubled

"I have something to tell you, but I don't want you to freak out..."

I don't know about you, but those words make my heart stop for a moment. Nobody uses those words unless they are about to say something that could, in fact, freak me out.

Jesus starts a conversation in a similar this way with His disciples...

Let not your heart be troubled...

~John 14:1a

He is about to tell them that the man they have devoted their lives to following is going to die and there is nothing they can do about it. If I was one of those disciples, I can't imagine my heart not being troubled at that moment, as well as in the moments to come. Yet that's what Jesus says. And in doing so, makes a point to say that they have a choice in how they handle what's to come. 

It's clear from the conversation that they don't quite understand. Where is He going? Why can't they go? How do they follow Him if they don't know the way? But he tells them again...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. 

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

~John 14:27

Jesus knew that if they looked only at what they were seeing, they wouldn't be able to help but feel discouraged, depressed, and scared. He knew that once they let those feelings set in, they would start to doubt the truths He had taught them over the years. 

Have you ever been so sad and depressed that you started wondering if God existed? Or, if He did, that He could really love you at all?

Where would we be today if the disciples had given in to those feelings? Jesus knew that they were about to watch Him be unjustly beaten, tortured, and crucified. He also knew that the whole existence of Christianity could hinge on the feelings of His disciples if they gave in to their despair at His death... so He clued them to the fact that they had a choice in how they handled their emotions.

The good news is, we do too. He even tells us how to do it. 

Believe in God; believe also in me.
~John 14:1b

Faith. He's telling them and us to believe in the truths He has taught before this. Don't believe what you see over what you already know. Believe that God has the final word on your circumstances. Believe that He sees you and knows you and wants only good for you. Believe that you have authority over the darkness that tries to overtake you. 

That's the first step. Faith.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

~John 14:26

He also tells them that He is sending the Holy Spirit to help them with this. The Holy Spirit will bring to remembrance the things Jesus had already taught them that were contrary to what they were feeling as well as teach them new things.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you guide your thoughts away from your pain and fear and towards the things God wants you to focus on. More likely than not, you'll find that the things He wants you to focus on have nothing to do with your life and circumstances at all.

The Holy Spirit WILL help.

Some will read this and say, "She obviously doesn't understand anxiety or depression." Believe me, I understand all too well. I suffered from both for years. 

Officially diagnosed in 2002, I spent a lot of time on and off of anti-depressants and in and out of hopelessness. I still have bad days from time to time. But now I can look at those bad days and see where I could have chosen to make the day better. 

When I blamed others' actions or my own circumstances for my depression and anxiety, I felt helpless. This caused even more depression and anxiety. But now, each time I recognize it and accept my ability to control my feelings, I am empowered. Even when the recognition comes in hindsight, I know that I'll get another chance to let not my heart be troubled... and in doing so, will be able to show others that they can break free from this too!

This topic is so much deeper than one blog post can cover. Accepting that you have authority over your emotions is difficult... but it is important if you want to get better. Please know that even if you aren't ready to accept what I'm saying... You can be free. You can be healthy. You can be whole. It won't be easy, but starts with making a choice to find your way. 

Let not your heart be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.

~John 14:1

When I said, “My foot is slipping,”

your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me, 

 your consolation brought me joy.

~Psalm 94:18-19

For a moment

A phone call.
An unexpected bill.
Seemingly insurmountable
when measured against my account balance.

For a moment I was sick
For a moment I was scared
For a moment I teared up
For a moment I wondered how
For a moment I looked at my debt instead of my Provider.

Then I remembered, shifted my eyes, and smiled.

I can't wait to see how He takes care of this!

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

According to His riches... not according to my righteousness, my prayers, my behavior, my anything.

God will supply all of my needs and when He does, nobody's eyes will be on me. I won't have any pride about the provision... because I won't have done anything.

It's always Him.

Praising the Lord in all things today and every day. He's a good good Father.

<3

Remember that no matter how much faith you have, your eyes are going to get distracted from time to time. You are going to look at the problem and wonder how. That's when you need to remember that the how isn't important. He is a good good Father and all of your needs will be met.

Thank Him in faith that it will happen and sit back and watch Him do something awesome. 

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

Matthew 6:26

Yes. Yes you are.

What does God want me to do?

"I can do this," I said to my friend with confidence as I offered to handle her family's estate sale.

I had never done one. But really, how hard could it be? I own a business. I have some resources. I wasn't feeling God saying, "No." So I plowed in. She needed me and I was there.

I hired help and got to work. Sorting, cleaning, researching, pricing, etc... suddenly, part way through, I realized I was in over my head. In order to cover just my expenses and break even, we were going to have to have a heck of a sale. Still, I thanked God several times during the process for the experience, the chance to help out a friend, and for the confidence in knowing He would provide, regardless of the final outcome of the sale.

That "heck of a sale" I thought I needed didn't happen. We didn't sell nearly as much stuff as we expected and while the percentage I had agreed to was good. It wouldn't actually cover all of my expenses, much less any of my own time. 

Still, I had committed to the project and I chose to stand on my belief that God would provide in the end... even if this sale was not the way He did it. I also learned a lot about my own company in the process. The biggest thing I learned? We don't do estate sales. The second biggest thing I learned was that we can provide the services people need in order to ready a loved one's home for an estate sale. 

When I sat down with the head of the estate to give her the money brought in and the final numbers, she asked me a couple of questions, talked to me about some things I hadn't considered when figuring up the totals, crunched some numbers, and wrote me a check that not only covered my expenses, but much of my time as well. Then we hugged and cried because she was so grateful for my help. 

I had faith that no matter what, God would take care of me and He did. 

Commit everything you do to the LORD.
Trust him, and he will help you.

Psalm 37:5

It isn't uncommon to see Christians frozen in fear, trying to make a decision of some sort in their lives. They want what God wants for them, but they don't know what that is. So they do nothing while they wait for direction. In the mean time, life passes them by.

If God isn't providing a clear answer to your question, then ask yourself this: Is what I am considering illegal or immoral? If it isn't, commit your plans to the Lord, thank Him for His promise to prosper you, and then step out... JUST DO IT!

Commit your plans to the Lord. Ask Him for help and guidance. Ask Him to close the door if it's not one He wants you to go through, but short of that... you will not be able to experience the fullness of the life God has for you by sitting in your house praying for guidance.  

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Go on that date. Help out that friend. Make the trip. Try something new. Take a bold step. And thank God that He is going to prosper you... not necessarily in the way you hope or expect... but good things will come and you will be blessed when you commit what you do to the Lord.

God doesn't want to plan out every decision you make in your life. He wants you to use all of the gifts He has already given you and believe all the promises He has for you... and LIVE ... better yet, LIVE ABUNDANTLY!

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:10

Where was God when...

I stood in the Walgreen's parking lot holding the hand of a homeless man, Joe, our heads bowed in prayer.

"God, You know the plans You have for Joe and what a great guy He is. Please help Joe remember that You are fighting for him and that You have a better plan for him than this. Lord..."

All of the sudden there was loud bang and we both looked up in surprise. Half a block away was a car accident, in the middle of a busy street. One man was rear-ended into an electrical pole. I called the police and Joe ran towards the accident. He told the driver who hit the pole to stay in the car, but the driver was too dazed to understand and climbed out anyway.

Trying to prevent a secondary accident, Joe ran down the road another hundred feet or so and started waving cars into the only open lane. He even stepped out into the street, to make sure that people understood they needed to move over.

When the police and fire arrived we headed back toward my parked car and his temporarily abandoned backpack.

As I turned to go Joe said, "I sure hope that accident wasn't our fault..."

I must have looked confused... "Our fault?"

Joe continued... "We kind of distracted God for a minute."

Have you ever had something bad happen to you, or seen something bad happening to someone else and wondered where God was in that moment? Why would He let this happen?

Many people will misquote Romans 8:28 and say that the horrible thing "happened for a reason" or that God wanted us to learn a lesson from it. I can assure you that isn't true.

It is Satan who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
Jesus came that we could have life more abundantly!

God will work all those things together for the good of those who are following Him, but he does not make bad things happen, or even "allow" bad things to happen in order to make something good happen.

God didn't give you cancer or cause you to get laid off. He didn't give you depression so you could learn from it. Most importantly, He didn't kill that person you love, who you still miss every day.

I absolutely believe that when something bad happens to us, God's heart breaks too.

He doesn't want to see us suffering... but He gave humans free will, and we often use it to make bad choices that affect us and others. That's not God trying to teach us something... that's Satan fighting to steal, kill, and destroy.

God Who has numbered every hair on our head, Who knew us before we were formed in the womb, Who rejoices over us with loud singing, does not get distracted. He doesn't forget about us. He doesn't send things to hurt us.

If He takes care of the lilies in the field and the sparrows in the air, He will surely continue to be with us. We have to make the choice to rest in Him and have faith in His promises.

There is a lot happening in the world. It makes sense that God could get distracted by "more important" matters, right? That's why Satan uses that lie on us to often. Don't believe it.

"Don't worry about that," I told Joe, "God doesn't get distracted."

You need to remember that too. God knows exactly what is going on with you at all times. He can't be distracted from His love for YOU! You are God's favorite!

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose. 

Romans 8:28

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have 

life and have it abundantly. 

John 10:10

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. 

Luke 12:6-7

A Picture of Grace

One of my favorite pics of us.
Oct 2015

I cried as I hugged Alexandra goodbye yesterday afternoon and told her I loved her, knowing that by the time I got home from my meeting at church all of her stuff would be packed and moved out.

She hugged me again at the door and I took goofy pictures of her before I backed out of the driveway.

Then I cried all the way to my meeting.

It would be selfish of me to try to make her stay.  An 18 year old soon-to-be college freshman doesn't want to share a room with her 10 and 12 year old sisters.

I know this.

But that doesn't make it easy.

My selfish mommy heart says, "I'm not done with her. I have more to teach her, more to share."

Mom, Alex and I
Feb 2016

But frankly, in spite of the rough edges that life will inevitably rub off of her over time, she's a pretty good kid... strike that... young woman.

She's more than that though. To me, she's a picture of grace.

Created in less-than-ideal circumstances, she was born with two kids for parents. Not understanding what it means to put your children before yourself, we made mistakes. A lot of them. A lot a lot.

Her father and I divorced when she was 6, leaving me the single mom of 3. Just before she turned 8, her youngest sister was born, making me a single mom of four kids under 8.

After the divorce, I fell into a depression that would grip me off and on for about 10 years. She often had to play the grown up when I couldn't or wouldn't function. And, while our life is much more stable now, I can't help but remember how I was scared at one point that she was the daughter I was "most likely to ruin" with all of my selfish choices... and that was even before I had seen that God had given me way out.

Graduation May 2016

Instead, even after modeling all the wrong things through her formative years, I still managed to raise a daughter who either in spite of (or maybe in some ways because of) all my faults, is a woman I can truly say I am proud to be the mother of. Beautifully stubborn and smarter than even she gives herself credit for, she can make me laugh without even trying.

Her creativity knows no bounds. And, while her exterior can be tough sometimes, she has a heart brimming with compassion.

She loves her family, even when it's hard.

I also love that she is not afraid of spiders. Although, I'm never sure if she is really rescuing me from them... or rescuing them from me when she captures them and sets them free outside.

The most exciting thing for me has been the many conversations we've had in the last year or so about Who God really is and what He really thinks of us. We've talked about things we do and do not believe. She's inspired me to write several blog posts with our conversations.

Not long ago, she started asking me to pray for her when she was sick so she could go on to school. She began to understand that God desires us to be healthy and believes we have authority over many more things than most people realize. Seeing her grasp those beliefs was so encouraging.

I know she will succeed at whatever she pursues as God gives her the desires of her heart. Even when things get hard or she falters at some point, she knows Who to turn to. He is for her and she's going places. I'm insanely proud of this girl.

Grace is getting something you don't deserve.

That's why she is a picture of grace to me.

You don't earn a great kid like this... I'm truly blessed to have her.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, 

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

~Joshua 1:9*

(*This one might be more for me than her in this case.)

The Gospel According to Google

Years ago, I read a book by John Howard Griffin who said, "Every fool in error can find a passage of scripture to back him up."

I remember thinking it was funny at the time. I even thought about coming up with ridiculous positions on things solely for the purpose of finding scriptures to back them up, just to see if he was right. Now, as an adult, I see that he was... and today it's even worse than Griffin likely imagined it could be thanks to the pervasiveness of Google.

With a quick search for a couple of key words, anyone these days can not only find a verse that fits their viewpoint and a translation with just the right wording, but they can zero in on that verse without ever reading it in context.

Some, like those from the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, use random verses to spew hatred... ignoring large portions of the Bible, while others focus only on the positive passages they want to read, ignoring verses about sin altogether. 

Still others are loving, respectable pastors and leaders who truly care about those they are serving. Yet, for one reason or another, they forgo the revelation that comes from studying the word, and spout Bible verses that only make sense within their message when read out of context.

Here's an example: Hebrews 10:26

For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, 
there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.

Read out-of-context that is a scary verse for me! Believe it or not, I still sin sometimes. In fact, sometimes (often), I still sin deliberately. Don't you? 

(If you said "no," that was probably a lie... which means you can now say, "Yes.")

In the last week I have deliberately lied to one of my children, eaten way more food than I needed or was good for me, made a rude comment about someone who annoyed me, and have even deliberately broken the speed limit! 

And while I said "In the last week," let's be honest here... 

I probably did all of them, 

within minutes of each other, 

in a single afternoon.

That is a lot of deliberate sinning... and it likely doesn't even come close to the actual list of sin in which I have participated in the last week. Thankfully, I know that it isn't a scary verse for me.

Hebrews 9 and 10 talk about the sacrifice that Jesus made at the cross for us. We can be assured in these verses that ALL of our sins: past, present, and future, have already been forgiven. So, if future sins have been forgiven already, what sin could one commit that would be held against them?

What about the sin of rejecting Jesus and His forgiveness? Someone who does this, has no other alternative. They have received the knowledge of the truth and for some reason, deliberately turned their back on God. 

Why would anyone do such a thing? I don't know. Ask Judas. He saw Jesus in action and still rejected him. It happens, which is why we are being warned about it here. The point is that we should not worry with each and every sin that we may be in danger of losing our salvation, 

In his commentary on these verses, Andrew Wommack says, "Those who truly love the Lord and yet sin, however grievously, need not fear these verses. These verses are for those who totally renounce their faith in the Lord. They know what they’ve done, and they don’t care. They hate the Lord."

And writer Paul Ellis asks, "How can we interpret Hebrews 10:26 as a warning against sin when Hebrews 9:26 says that Christ appeared once for all “to do away with sin by the sacrifice of Himself”?"

While I don't believe most of the people who use scripture out of context mean to hurt Christians, it is important for us to guard ourselves against teaching that might do so. When you hear a sermon or read something that contains a verse for reference. Always take the time to read it for yourself and ask God what He wants you to receive from His Word.

He (Jesus) has appeared once for all at the end of the ages 

to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.

~Hebrews 9:26b