Sunday, September 29, 2013

He knit me together...

Posted on a friend's blog:
"I KNOW that God created me for more than this and I refuse to let fear, false identity and regret stand in my way of becoming the woman He saw when He knit me together."

When I read that
it brought out tears.
I was pretty sure
I didn't have any left
after this weekend.

Yes, I know God knit me together...
I know that.
But I never thought about what was going on
while He was doing this.
My creation was a deliberate act by a God who had a vision and a purpose for my life.
What a thought.
Those are the things... that vision and purpose... those are what He was thinking about when He created me. This wasn't a haphazard "let's see what happens if I put this here and change this one thing..." He didn't just smoosh some cells together and say, "Oh yeah, this one will be fun to watch..." There was nothing random about what He did in those moments of my creation...
He was focusing on the amazing plan He has for me...
not the mistakes
He already knew
I was going to make...
not the stupid ways
I was going to try
to derail myself...
He was INTENTIONALLY knitting ME together.
He did this knowing every detail of my life,
giving me everything I needed
to get through
the pain 
the heartache
the junk
so that I could get to
His intended purpose for me
so that I could do what
He wants me to do.
This weekend I told Him that I wanted HIS will for my life to be the only thing that mattered to me... something I have come close to saying before... but never quite this way... never meaning it quite like this. I want to be so in love with Jesus that my desires are HIS desires... not my own.
It's a scary thought... to give up that control... to attempt to change the way I think... but if He is for me, then chasing His desires won't hurt me the way chasing my own desires has. Even fighting my own desires when I'm trying to do what's right causes so much pain, especially when I'm unsuccessful. But if I can replace mine with His... then there won't be this internal fight... and it means that He truly will give me the desires of my heart... because they will match His own.
Sometimes I wonder how dumb the devil really has to be... every time he tries to capture my attention, even when he is fleetingly successful, I end up at back at the feet of Jesus with more longing and a stronger resolve.

And God knew it was going to happen all along... and He has just been waiting.


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