Debt Mountain Update Month 2

Still 17.6% less debt than 2 months ago, but
it doesn't quite feel like a 'win'... 

As you can imagine, this last month was a busy one. I've written several partial posts, but nothing I ended up publishing.

Between Christmas, a graduation, birthdays for 3 of the kids, two mid-week holidays followed by my entire crew calling in the following week for illness or car trouble... this was a rough month for me financially. I stuck to a pretty tight budget for all the kids and family this year, but it was still rough. No big numbers or exclamation points today... just the knowledge that this month was a failure in terms of numbers.

Month 1: Debts owed down 19.64%
Month 2: Debts owed up 2.06%
(% of original amount of debt)

I have been able to take a close look at this last month and learn more about our spending and how we can do this better. Or at least how I would like to do this better.

Part of the problem is that I said I wanted to do this without making Mike suffer the consequences for my debt, but it turns out that if we aren't both working towards the same goal, we aren't going to be able to make any progress.

Marriage is hard and we don't see eye to eye on finances. While it was my bad choices that put me in debt, I'm now the one who cringes every time we spend a dollar that I know we don't need to spend.
Still, his lack mindset and my abundance mindset seem to clash constantly. In in the interest of not fighting, I often pay for things I shouldn't and don't ask him to pay me back for things I should.

I've also spent way too much time taking care of the household instead of my businesses. It makes him happy to come home to a clean house and to have meals cooked a few nights a week and to be able to play his trumpet with whatever band calls him on any given night. I like making him happy, but I've got to work on the businesses more.

I knew this would be a process when I started it. I knew there would be ups and downs. If I get my taxes done this week, I'll make great progress again next month. I'm having a hard time seeing how it is all going to be possible... but that has happened before and God has come through. 

Because God knew I would need a little encouragement, I found a couple things when going through paperwork last weekend. One was a copy of the $46,000 surgery bill from the time Lauren's insurance lapsed and it took 5 months to restore. It's a long story but it was a huge miracle when they decided to make it retroactive to the date it was cancelled, covering her surgery in full.

Second was a letter from the Illinois IRS telling me that they needed more proof of my income before they would send me my 2016 refund of approximately $700. I never followed through on that when I filed and when I called this week they told me that it was still good. I just have to send in some papers.

I'm looking forward to a better report next month... and hopefully several more blog posts between now and then. There is a lot going on around here besides the quest to be debt free and I look forward to sharing that with you too. 

What's your plan?

"Write down what your dreams, goals, and plans were for the last year."

I looked at the workbook page and thought for a minute before I started writing.

Dreams: To take my kids on a real vacation before Alexandra graduated, and to be in a solid, healthy relationship.

Goals: Weight loss, finishing my book proposal, growing my platform, buying a house, financial stability.

Plans: Survival.

I stared at the paper. 
Wait, did I just write that? 
I did. Wow.

When I talk to people about interviewing employees, I often share one of my favorite questions with them. "What's your dream? What do you really want to do?" I've said time and again that the employees who have a dream and a plan to attain that dream are usually my most successful employees. They know what they are working towards!

And yet, for some reason, despite some great goals and dreams, I only planned for survival.

One of my favorite Bible passages is Ephesians 3:20-21:

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I KNOW God wants to do great things for me. I KNOW that His plans far exceed mine. I KNOW He is not only able, but He is willing... And I still planned for the bare minimum... survival.

This past year, I often asked God for help and believed He would come through for me. On several occasions He did, probably more than I realize. But looking at these verses and thinking about what I actually planned for leave me wondering if God didn't hope to bless me more, but I had planned Him out of it. 

Psalms 20:4 says:

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

I do believe God gave me many of the desires of my heart this year in addition to making my plans succeed... but what if my plans had been bigger? What if instead of survival I had PLANNED on being blessed and amazed by Him? 

As I continue to work through this program on setting and achieving my goals for the next year, I am more and more excited about what is to come. I am planning on some huge breakthroughs this year and I can't wait to see how God makes those plans succeed.

How about you? What's your plan? What are you asking God to help you with as we move into the Christmas season and new year? 

Whatever it is, are you PLANNING on Him coming through for you? Or, like I have so many times, are you working on your plan for what you'll do if He doesn't?

Today I'm telling God that, more than ever, I want His plans for me to match my plans for me... I want to rest in His promises of hope, joy, abundance, and success instead of planning on the bare minimum. 

Care to join me?

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

I came that [YOU] may have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:10

The program I am going through is Michael Hyatt's Best Year Ever. It is only available for a limited time every year, but you can check it out here:
http://bestyearever.me/register/

My heart's desire

11,442.

That's the seating capacity for the Peoria Civic Center.

We were waiting to get in, more than half way back, in a line that stretched around the entire block twice. And while we had a two hour wait before the doors opened, there were others who picked their spots earlier in the day who were in line many more hours than that.

Still, Crowder, For King and Country, Matthew West, and many more (for just $10) were totally worth the wait... if we could actually get in.

It was a huge relief when we made it through the doors. Whew!

The first act started and we found our seats shortly before it was announced that if you were saving a seat for someone still outside, they probably weren't going to get into the building.

They were almost completely full. 11,442 people.

The first artist was someone I had never heard of before. Unfortunately, in an arena like this, if you don't already know the lyrics to a song, especially a rap song, you are going to have a hard time following what is being said. He made a show of it and it was entertaining, but I have to admit I felt a little indifferent.

Then, when he stopped and told the crowd how important it was to know who they are created to be, and about how Jesus pulled him through when he lost his 1-year-old son and quoted Joseph Prince about fighting from victory instead of fighting for it, my heart pounded and tears sprang to my eyes. This guy that I'd never heard of, whose lyrics I couldn't understand or connect with, was saying exactly what someone there to see him needed to hear.

My indifference dissipated immediately. It was like I could suddenly feel the Holy Spirit moving for someone through what he said. I felt this incredible joy... and something else. A desire to be a part of that. I've felt it before and often shrugged it off, but it never goes away.

It whirled within me and came back several times that night. I wanted to be on that stage. Not for a paycheck, not so people will know my name, not for any other reason except to tell as many people as possible what God wants them to know... what He's done for me and what He wants to do for them.

The desire to stand in front of thousands of people and tell them who and what grace really is, makes no sense to me in some ways. I'm not even a great speaker! In my flesh, the thought of getting on that stage and speaking to people makes me tremble... but in my spirit, I can't help but grow excited about telling people what so many aren't hearing in their churches on Sunday mornings, the same things I wasn't hearing... the things that changed my view of God and life.

I don't know exactly what God's plans for me are, but there is a clear desire there.

Maybe the stage is a metaphor.
Maybe writing is my stage.
Maybe my business is my stage.
Maybe my blog is my stage.

Right now, Facebook is my main stage... even though my reach is much less than 11,442. It continues to grow and I can't be anything but excited about that.

I used to believe that the promise that God would give me the desires of my heart if I delighted in Him meant that if I did enough good stuff, God would give me whatever I wanted. Now I have a clearer understanding of that scripture.

When I delight myself in the Lord, He will put the desires He has for me in my heart. I will want what He wants... and sometimes I'll know because I'll think on those desires and say, "Why in a million years would I ever? I can't actually want to do that... yet I do!"

Maybe the stage is a symbol, but maybe it isn't.

Considering my life at this moment and the fact that four years ago today I was a hopeless, jobless, homeless wreck trying to keep up a positive facade. I don't have any doubt that there could be a non-metaphorical stage someday... and sooner than I can imagine.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

James Corden said what?

We stood in line at the James Corden Show, knowing there was a chance we wouldn't get in. To make sure the studio is full, they overbook seats, and we were a few minutes later than we meant to be.

CBS Studios Selfie

I think James is great, but it is Alexandra who has been the fan since before I had ever heard his name. So, when they told us there was only one seat left in the theater, there was no Rock, Paper, Scissors for the seat. It was all hers.

Nobody would have blamed me if I was sulky and pouty and grouchy as she walked through that gate, and I have to admit, I was tempted... But I know better. God always amazes me when I trust Him instead of being disappointed.

CBS Studios

As I walked from CBS Studios to The Grove, passing several studio exits and entrances along the way. I thought to myself, "God always turns things like this around some way. Who knows what could happen. Maybe someone from one of these studios will come out a pull me in for a makeover!" I laughed to myself as my imagination took hold of all the things that "might" happen.

Needless to say, I was not pulled into a studio as I walked by, but the thought made me smile anyway and I continued on towards the popular shopping center.

The Grove

The Grove was beautiful. Lots of stores and food and happy people. With a couple of hours to kill, I decided to check out some stores I had never been to before.

Nordstrom's? Why not? I probably wouldn't be able to afford anything inside, but browsing would be fun.

A few feet inside the door I paused to look at a makeup display. Immediately a woman behind the sign called out to me.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"Umm..." I realized it wasn't just a makeup display. There was a long row of tall chairs and side tables set up down the center walk-way.

"Really!" She said, "Sit down and let us give you a makeover. Sit there. I'll go get someone."

I sat down, baffled. Really God? You know I was just trying to make light of the situation, right? Is this actually happening? I mean, I didn't even ask...

A moment later a beautiful young woman came out and introduced herself to me. Maxine was a professional make-up artist, who helped out with events like this when they needed her. And that day, they did!

As she went through all the steps, we talked about why I was in California and what had happened at the James Corden Show. I told her that I was so happy Alexandra got in, and here I was, getting my makeup done by a professional. I was even able to tell her about Hire A Housewife and share my testimony about going from homelessness to where I am now at the same time. It was an amazing blessing!

When she finished, I thanked her  and she thanked me for sharing so much. I went to browse the store and even stopped for a selfie so that I could tweet about the great experience later.

^ I Tweeted about it later and Nordstrom's responded! 

As I walked out of the store, thinking about where to go next, my phone rang. Alex.

"Are you still close? James Corden said he wants them to find you a seat here."

"What!?! Are you serious?" 

"Yes! Someone is going to meet you at the front gate where you left me... and I think I'm going to be on TV."

"I'm on my way."

In retrospect, I should have taken a taxi those 4 blocks. Instead, I walked as quickly as my high-heeled boots would let me. Still I reached the front gate in what had to be record time and, sure enough, someone from the show was waiting for me. 

He tried to get me into the studio as quickly as possible, but security kept stopping us and checking my pass and my ID. As we walked he explained that Alexandra was actually in a segment and it came up that I hadn't been able to get in... so James told her they would fix it. 

People kept saying as I walked in, "This is mom?" and responding excitedly when it was confirmed. "I love it!" said one. And, "Awesome!" said another.

Alexandra was waiting for me in the back. We sat there for a segment as they were waiting for a commercial break to take us in. As we watched the guests talking, we looked around at the photos of all the stars who had been on the show... 

"Look! Zachary Levi!" I said, before pointing out a few more. 

Alex told me to shhh, and then a few seconds later we were being taken to our seats.

We had great seats for the last two or three segments of the show. We saw AWOLNATION, who was much better than I expected. Corden's house band and their leader Reggie Watts was fantastic! Great music and made us all laugh. The entire experience was fun and exciting. 

There were no phones allowed on inside the studio, so I didn't get any photos in there. I tried on the way out the door, but security told us to keep moving, so this is all I got there... 

Alex was supposed to be in this too... Oh well, I tried.

We waited outside to get a great pic though. Some other fans took pics for us and we took pics for them.

As Alexandra and I walked away, I told her, "We have to get back to Uncle Peter and the other kids... but I wish we had time to stop in and tell Maxine what happened! She'd be so happy for us!"

At that moment, I got a text from my son, Isaac. "We will meet you at The Grove."

We had time to go find her after all.

As Alexandra and I walked towards Nordstrom's she asked me, "Why us? Did this happen because we put together those care packages for the homeless today?"

I admit, I started to tear up thinking about that question... "No. Things like this happen because He loves us. Nothing we do makes Him love us more or less or want to bless us more or less."

I didn't say it then, but I keep thinking about that question. I honestly believe many of our blessings are about attitude and faith. Faith that God is going to do something we don't expect, and having a good attitude about it no matter what. 

We made it to see Maxine and I made introductions, told her what happened, and shared hugs all around. It was a perfect ending to the whole experience.

Peter and the kids met us shortly thereafter and we sat and talked before heading to our hotel for the night. 

Even though we had to be up early for Disney, I set an alarm to wake me up to see the Late Late Show with James Corden... and this is what I saw... 

<3 She did fantastic. I so love that girl!

Don't tell anyone, but she's my favorite oldest daughter ever! 

A spark of enthusiasm

I know you've heard the verse before. Some of you even have it committed to memory.

Take delight in the LORD, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

I spent years holding onto that verse, expecting God to give me what my heart wanted. I would pray faithfully, for a while, because I somehow had the idea that if I asked enough times, God would give in. Then, when begging through prayer didn't work, I'd try something that pretty much amounted to bribery.

"Do You see how good I'm being God? I'm following all Your rules. 

If You want it to continue, then just give me what I want."

To me, "take delight in the Lord" meant "follow all the rules." And "He will give me the desires of my heart" amounted to Him handing over whatever I wanted at any given moment. And I was often angry that it didn't work out the way I planned.

I was reading a passage in Haggai today about the rebuilding of the Lord's Temple by the Israelites. When they discussed rebuilding the temple among themselves, they decided that it really wasn't the right time. They just weren't feelin' it. It wasn't a desire of their heart.

God sent a messenger to tell them to get on it. "Is anyone going to ask Me if it's time? You are spending so much time doing what you think you want, you aren't listening to Me. Start building!" and they did.

The Bible says they did it because they were afraid of God. Their fear was understandable. They still lived under the old covenant. Unlike us, they were still being rated on performance. But what interested me most about this story is in the 14th verse of chapter one.

"So the lord sparked the enthusiasm of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the enthusiasm of Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the enthusiasm of the whole remnant of God’s people. They began to work on the house of their God, the lord of Heaven’s Armies,"

They changed their minds to agree with God... and were they miserable about it? Did they drag their feet and have to force themselves to get up every day to do His will? No! It says He "sparked the enthusiasm" not just of the leaders, but of the group of people involved.

You can tell from the beginning of the passage that the Israelites didn't want to rebuild the temple. They weren't praying daily for God to please let the right time come soon. But when they heard God's voice and agreed with Him, He gave them a desire in their heart to do His will.

My favorite view of Praise and Worship
is from the sound booth.

I am in charge of the A/V department at church. I find, train, and schedule volunteers, design lighting scenes, record and edit services for online viewing, and often run the presentations from the sound booth during services, among other things. It is a time consuming and often frustrating position to be in. 

Considering all the other things going on in my life, all the reasons I have to say, "Sorry, I don't have time." why do I do it? Because I love it.

God put a desire in my heart to help my church share His Word this way.
He sparked my enthusiasm for this area of ministry.

I truly believe, and I did long before I ever read that passage, that God wants us to enjoy what we do in life. God did not create us to be miserable. If you aren't enthusiastic about your job or your area of ministry, or maybe even your family situation... you have to ask yourself two things. 

Am I delighting myself in the Lord?

What desires is God putting in my heart?

Maybe He wants to put a desire within you to change your family dynamics. 

Maybe He wanted you to take that job you were excited about, but seemed like too big of a risk. 

Maybe that thing you used to love doing that now feels like an exhausting chore, is a thing He wants you to let go of to make room for something more fulfilling.

Maybe, that area of ministry that you want to be a part of, but you just "don't have time for" will bring you more joy than you can imagine right now. 

Ask Him, and remember that God wants better for us than we can ever even dream of wanting for ourselves.

Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. 

By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. 

~Ephesians 3:20 (GWT)

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

~Psalm 16:11 (ESV)

Take delight in the LORD, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4 (NLT)