Not content to be the slow and steady tortoise.
I know better than to be the high and mighty hare.
Three steps forward and two and a half back is
still progress, right? So slow though. So slow.
I worry tonight that I may never get it right,
that 30 years from now God will say, "I did have
an awesome plan, but it didn't seem as though
you wanted it badly enough to play by My rules.
You missed it, and I moved on. Sucks to be you."
Would He do that? I don't know.
I recently told a friend "If there was a chance
'A' was available and interested, it would
take a moment or less to say, " 'D' who?"
Later, another thought crossed my mind...
Am I so much less inspired by God,
the creator of Heaven and Earth, the One who
promises to give me everything I will ever need,
that I would take a leap of faith for a man who will
at some point let me down, but not a God who promises otherwise?
Don't I trust Him more than that? I thought I did.
Tonight I watched reality TV. Bear Grylls
talked about not needing to have a tight grip
on the things of this world because he's
holding tightly to the One that matters most.
My heart swelled to see it on Prime Time,
but inside I felt a little tug that annoyed me.
I'm not asking for fame or fortune or a nice car,
clothes, house, money, I don't care about those.
Why is wanting to love and be loved wrong?
How do I make myself want it less? I don't know.
And as I write I think, "What happened to focusing
on His glory and not on your struggles?"
That's one of those steps back I guess.
If I got it all right the first try (or the 27th)
how real would that be? Writing it out and continuing on...
Faster than the tortoise and smarter than the hare, I hope.
Although, that begs the question, "Where is the finish line?"