Friday, November 1, 2013


My codependent nature makes me seek out people when I am hurting...
and not always in the healthiest ways.
But because my promises made a lot of things off-limits.
Now, I want to talk.
I want to argue.
I want to know someone cares.
I want to people to make me feel better.
But I know that isn't the way it is supposed to work.
So I'm writing more today.
Trying to bother people less.

I've written a bunch of other posts. But tonight I am just saving them and going to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow things will look better.

My only hope at this point is that someday down the road I will look back at so many negative posts in a row and understand what it is I don't understand yet.

Tonight Francis Chan says, "The frustrating part about receiving wisdom from God... there is nothing anyone can do to make you get it."

No eye has seen. No ear has heard.

John 6:63 It is the spirit who gives life. The flesh is of no help at all.

This makes us all dependent on Him for our answers.

I hate depending on others for anything.
They never come through.
I KNOW they will never come through
but I go ahead and believe in them
give everyone the benefit of the doubt
and I pay for it in the end.
Every Time.

Stop making me trust blindly
I need the sky to open up and rain 2x4s
I need a flashing neon sign
I need something to make sense.

I don't just need you to fight for me.

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