to say living completely by faith
without logic or excuses
is a difficult thing.
It's not that I don't believe
God will sustain and prosper
such a life, lived for His glory.
It's not even that I'm worried
about the times that will be hard.
It's that, for a girl
who has lived her whole life
in constant fear of the unknown,
not knowing what God's plan is
and still saying "Okay, I'm all Yours!"
is like going to an amusement park
and riding all the rides facing backwards,
never knowing if I'll be headed
up or down the next second,
or if the roller coaster
is about to slow down, stop,
plunge me into a corkscrew,
or send me through a loop
that leaves me dangling upside down.
What I have to cling to
is the belief that when
this roller coaster stops
and it's time to change rides,
I will get off at the platform,
and say, "That was awesome. Which one
do You want me to ride next, Lord?"
And also hope that those standing around,
watching me do things that seem to defy logic
will stop and say, "Riding all the rides backwards?
No concrete knowledge of what's coming?
Just a belief that everything will be okay?
I think that's how I'm supposed to be riding too..."
If Jesus is the Word made flesh, then to know Him, I need to know the Word.
Today as I struggled with getting up and making time for Him, and ultimately chose to write instead of read, that ever faithful (even when I'm not) God of mine said, "You're not going to get anywhere reading on your computer or your phone. Go buy a Bible."
If I look hard enough, I could probably find ten Bibles in my house. I can even see one from where I sit, but I don't think the Kid's Adventure Bible is really what He has in mind. I'll add it to my 'to do' list today and see what happens. I have a busy day ahead of me, but I'm faithful He will give me an opportunity to fit it in, if that's what He wants me to do.
Praying that He remembers that I'm not so great at listening yet, and turns the speakers up a bit for the moment... and that this roller coaster I am on, that I feel slowly and gently clack-clack-clacking up this steep hill, gives me a few minutes to make sure my seat belt is secure, my sunglasses and cell phone are stowed away safely, and my shoes are tied tightly before we plunge down the next drop or into a corkscrew.
I don't know which it will be or how far ahead it is so I'll just prepare and wait.
(He'll like, warn me first... right? Riiight...)
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
~2 Corinthians 4:7