As I walk this journey towards being the person I was meant to be, I am continually being tested. People who I should have cut loose long ago are coming back to try to take a piece of me again.When this happens, I have been amazed that I have had the strength to do it... to tell them they can't have whatever it is they are looking for and to tell them to move on.
It has definitely been more subtle than that with many of them... but a couple have been told straight up... "I'm done."
I am starting to get to the people who have been close to me for longer though. People who I share a connection of some sort with. People who I do truly love in one way or another... and I'm starting to hesitate.
Maybe there are some that I am not supposed to cut off...
Last weekend a friend and I ended up in a texting fight... he did something that didn't really even have an affect on me. He did something that hurt his mother's feelings. She did what I usually do... "Ah, that's just how he is..." and then shrugged it off.
I told him that I have seen him be a better person than he is being right now and seeing the person he is being right now makes me sad.
I told him that I am tired of dealing with a "friend" who I would do anything for... who can't return the sentiment because he's too busy... his favorite excuse is "I'm doing me right now."
He sent a sarcastic apology about being a shitty person and having one-sided friendship.
I told him, "You aren't a shitty person. You have a shitty attitude. And because I love you, I have to call you on your shit without being scared that you will be mad at me or stop being my friend... and if you do either of those things, it isn't because I didn't care..."
I know that if he never speaks to me again, at least he knows that I care and that I am still praying for him... I won't ever stop praying for him.
I have another friend, a very close female friend, who assaults my sensibilities constantly with her anti-christian, anti-god, anti-good comments and Internet posts. Yet I know that walking away would be the wrong thing. It would be one more piece of "proof" to her the Jesus cultivates hatred in people. So I will continue to pray for her as well.
No real final thought on this one... just making myself recognize the difference between the good and bad relationships in my life.