the battles, the struggles, the pain?
It doesn't make us any less redeemed,
to admit that we are human. It might even
make us more so, as it is our humanity
that makes us worth redeeming.
At some point we must realize that
being redeemed, saved, valued, loved
by the God of all creation, doesn't fix
our lives, resolve our problems, perfect us.
In fact, it often makes our issues
even more glaringly obvious when the
Holy light shines down on them and
reminds us of how far we still have to go.
God is in the business of redeeming humanity,
not taking away choices, even choices that
involve turning away from Him. If we were
perfect upon redemption, our choices would
be gone, we'd know too much to have free will.
So we continue this life, redeemed, but human
while trying to put on a "perfected" facade.
Who are we lying to... God? He knows better.
The world, our friends, maybe just ourselves? Why?
Maybe we fear being called 'hypocrite'
by those who don't understand we are
still on a journey towards perfection.
Maybe we fear acknowledging all
the work we know we have left to do.
Twice recently, I have been reminded that
sharing my struggles is just as important
as sharing how I've succeeded in Him.
And yet, I couldn't help but think today
what a fraud I am, claiming God has
rescued me from depression and still
reacting to an old trigger with an inability
to function productively for a few hours.
I kept looking for confirmation of all
I was thinking and feeling, knowing
I'm a fraud and a failure, and I found plenty.
I almost believed it all, until the redeemed
within me began fighting back, against
the lies I was hearing, reading, believing.
I still believed most of it when I sat down
to write tonight, prepared for a negative post.
So many things are happening that make me
question my worth on all levels. And yet, I know
that as long as I keep fighting, He'll always
pull me through. And as hard as it is to believe,
it doesn't matter who thinks what of me.
I found this song tonight...
Yes, these struggles chase after me,
threatening to overtake me. But I know
none of those things own me any longer because
He who is in me is greater than all of it... and He will use it for good.
My foes have trampled upon me all day long, For they are many who fight proudly against me. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.