How long have you been planning THIS!?!

Over the past several months, as I spend more time listening to God and less time listening to myself... He has begun showing me some of His plans. As He has done so, I keep thinking, "Really? Are you sure?"

While I was running on Sunday night and having a little conversation with God (it feels weird to say I was praying... because I talk to Him all day long... my eyes are open, my hands are often busy, and I'm almost never sitting still... but we talk to each other.) So I'm having this conversation and a memory pops into my mind...

Eight years ago I was living in "Christian Lite" mode... easy to do. Lots of people do it every day and I know I have, off and on, for a long time...

Anyway, not long after my youngest was born, I received a Christian Women's magazine in the mail. One of the articles I was reading about was especially interesting to me, but I remember having this inward conversation... "I could explain what she is trying to say in a way that more women would understand... but to be credible I'd have to stop living the way I am living..." and I put it down and never looked at it again...

Now, did this incident happen because I was ready to begin the journey then and I just didn't listen? Or, was this something that happened then... so that He could remind me of it now, so that I would KNOW it had been His plan all along?

I don't know. That isn't the question I needed answered... He answered the one I needed answered. I wanted to know He knew all of this was going to happen as STILL wanted me to do what I feel Him calling me to do.
He, in all of His PERFECTION knew each and every choice and mistake that I was going to make over the years... and He STILL called me to this.

Does speaking publicly still scare me to death? Yes. I can't even say I haven't considered turning and running and doing the opposite of what I know I should do. I could listen to the lies of the enemy that wants me to back down from this challenge...  But someone reminded me today... I AM NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE... He chose me to do what I am about to do... and that means that if He puts me in an arena speaking to 5000, or in a small church speaking to 10... I can do it. Because HE SAID SO!

I also need to remember that I am constantly seeking His will now... and I definitely wasn't back then. So, when I mess up, it isn't the end of the world... it's all part of the process... He knows I'm not perfect... if I was, I wouldn't need Him...  So last night, when I totally blew up at my kids who were doing their best to make me crazy, He said... don't forget that one... it'll probably be part of a story you are telling others some day to help them get through this very thing...